Halle Berry is a well fancied woman. That’s because she looks like a white man designed her, ironing out all the blackness out of her, save only her tone. And she’s really boring. She’s such a crashing bore that sometimes, we prefer conducting conversations with the dead flies on our windowsill.
And so, with a rare moment of drama in her life, we find our Halle having a fight with her ex-husband!
That’s right! Berry is throwing all that amicable split nonsense out of the window in favour of an ugly brawl and may well just start trash talking in the press! Hopefully, years of built-up resentment will come erupting from her little mouth with such venom that the sky will go pink with embarrassment.
We all know damn well that this isn’t going to happen. That’s because Halle Berry is crashingly dull. Some might say ‘dignified’, but they’re the kind of people who claim to like her for her acting abilities while secretly and shamefully masturbating over her while sat on the pan.
And so, in the face of lots of flying shit, Halle Berry is planning to take ex Gabriel Aubry to court to fight for custody of their two-year-old daughter Nahla and, crucially, she’s only giving us half the story.
So bad is this scrap is that she’s ditched a film she’s supposed to be making called New Year’s Eve (she’s been replaced by Katherine Heigl, if you even vaguely care).
Her rep says:
“Halle Berry was forced to pull out of a film production in New York this week due to pending custody litigation involving her daughter.”
“She has attempted to resolve these custody issues amicably with her daughter's father, Gabriel Aubry, directly, but given his lack of cooperation, Halle has no choice but to seek swift judicial intervention.”
Okay. She’s having child-admin troubles. But what about the dirt?
“Halle has serious concerns for her daughter’s well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her”
Serious concerns?! Is this bloke using this child as a drug mule? Does he encourage it to bath in shark infested water while wearing goggles made of steak?
It looks like she’s not going to tell us because she’s a massive spoilsport, leaving us to make jokes about meat-based eye wear. Don’t like the joke? Blame Halle Boring Berry.
“Halle has always made the needs and safety of her daughter her first priority and, both while Halle and Gabriel were a couple and since their break-up, Halle has only acted in her daughter's best interests”
But alas, not in the best interests of us gossip mongers/shit slingers.
DAMN YOUR EYES BERRY!
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Dan says
Is it me or do her tits look massively lopsided in that pic?! I still would though.