Yes, you read that right, a Verne Troyer sex tape update – because you obviously haven't heard enough what Mini-Me looks like when he's having it off.
Anyway, oddly enough it seems like Verne Troyer isn't especially thrilled that TMZ recently posted a video of him dipping his tongue in and out of his girlfriend's mouth like an underdeveloped naked little anteater feeding from a proportionately much larger anthill.
So he's sued them. And he's sued sex tape entrepreneur Kevin Blatt, who is apparently trying to market the Verne Troyer sex tape. They're big lawsuits, too – if he wins them, Verne Troyer could make himself very rich indeed. Sometimes we wish were born with genetic achondroplasia and lacked both the basic inhibition that stops most people filming themselves having sex and the nous to hide the sex tape properly afterwards. That money should have been ours, Troyer! Ours!
We've often thought that Verne Troyer was evil, but only because he's different to us and we're hopelessly undereducated village square bigots. However, we might have been onto something, because at the moment Verne Troyer is acting so selfishly that it might actually pass for evil in the minds of some.
That's because right now Verne Troyer wants to stop the entire population of planet Earth from indulging in one of its most time-honoured traditions – getting drunk and watching celebrity home sex tapes that are so mind-crappingly awful to witness that it makes you never want to have sex again.
Once people have seen the snippet of the Verne Troyer sex tape posted recently on TMZ, they're never quite the same afterwards. Sure, they can still walk and talk and function in a superficially normal way, but something's withered up and died inside them. Probably their testes. And we haven't even seen it going in yet.
And we never will. That's mostly because even our morbid curiosity has an outer limit, but partly because Verne Troyer is on the legal warpath about it. And first on Mini-Me's hitlist is TMZ itself, as E! Online reports:
The 39-year-old actor says that TMZ disregarded cease-and-desist letters sent both before and after the video showed up on the site. In addition to the gossip purveyor, which just posted the footage yesterday, Troyer has also sued One Night in Paris peddler Kevin Blatt. He claims that Blatt, who's known for his celeb-porn brokering ways, somehow acquired the stolen tape.
Troyer means business too – he's claiming violation of privacy, copyright infringement, trademark infringement, violation of right to publicity, and misappropriation of name and likeness and he's after $20 million for it. He must really, really not want people to see his funny little infant-like limbs pawing at an adult woman, or what his funny little penis looks like when it ejaculates. How much does Verne Troyer not want anyone to see that?
At a guess, we'd say not nearly as much as we don't want to see it ourselves.
David Bryden says
Just a minute… Uh uh uh uh uh.Uh uh uh uh uh uh UH!!!There, now you owe me millions! You published me having sex! (even if only with myself).
sarah says
what a wee little man!