Aside from the collapsing bridges and the foot and mouth and the new threat of Al Qaeda attacks, the thing that's probably on most people's mind lately has been Usher, Usher's cancelled wedding and whether Usher will ever get married.
Fortunately, you can all stop worrying now, because Usher got married to Tameka Foster this weekend, a week after deciding that he probably shouldn't right at the last minute. According to reports, the actual wedding between Usher and Tameka Foster took place in a lawyer's office which – although it lacked the breathtaking vistas of the original wedding's venue, or the two different superstar chefs, or the high-profile musical guests, or the $10,000 worth of invitations that Usher had shelled out for initially, did have some nice wooden panels and exclusive use of a half-empty water cooler. Plus Janet Jackson wasn't around to whap her boobies out indiscriminately all the time at this wedding, so it was probably for the best that it happened this way.
There's nothing that people enjoy more than a good old-fashioned mystery, with the possible exception of a good old-fashioned mystery about R&B singers who are wildly popular even though whole months pass without you ever thinking of them. So when Usher called off his wedding last week, the world went crazy. Did Usher's mother disapprove of Tameka? Did Usher realise that he'd have a 50-year-old wife by the time he's just 41? Was there something wrong with Tameka's unborn baby? Did Usher calculate that a wedding ring would disrupt his centre of gravity leaving him unable to dance like a vicar being pushed down a hill on some rollerskates, thus destroying his career?
To be fair, nobody really knew for sure, but Usher maintained that the wedding was still on. And who were we to doubt him? After all, Usher is a man blessed with such honesty that he admits when his throat is a little croaky and also when he drove a car illegally fast – and our faith in Usher paid off this weekend when he finally got hitched to Tameka Foster in one of the happiest lawyer's office-based Georgia weddings between Usher and a woman nine years older than him ever. People reports:
After abruptly canceling his Hamptons wedding to stylist Tameka Foster last Saturday, Usher became a married man Friday in Atlanta, a source confirms to PEOPLE. The two reportedly exchanged vows in the office of his lawyer – a far different affair than the event planned for last weekend at music mogul L.A. Reid's Sagaponack, N.Y., home. The couple had spent $10,000 on invitations alone, and had lined up singer Robin Thicke to perform and renowned chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten, along with Sylvia's of Harlem, to cook. "It would have looked amazing," one source said of the plans.
Let's all just hope that Usher and Tameka Foster can be more decisive about events now that they're finally married. For example, we'd like to think that Tameka would be able to decide to have her baby as planned now instead of just squeezing and straining and holding it up inside her guts until the baby turned five or six years old. Because, frankly, that'd just be a little on the weird side for us.
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