hecklerspray prefers the association of fat people. Seriously, they're usually nice, they bounce when they laugh, and they readily accepted us when we became one them three hours into Halloween '04.
Tyra Banks though, well she might hate those flabby
twinkie-chompers, and she is definitely mad that the dumb internet
keeps trying to lump her in with them. Banks, after all, is a former
supermodel with a very skinny talk show. Portly pictures of the
day-time host walking on some cellulite-friendly Australian beach have
been electronically passed around the rotund globe like a bucket full
of, uh, like a bucket full of candy.
It's diet candy though.
Word on the Australian beach is that Tyra Banks done gone all Janet Jackson on us,
and that she needs to shift her favourite green-room standing-spot
three feet to the left – in front of the vegetable tray. Pictures of
the former model have been spreading around the internet with captions
that read 'Tyra Porkchop,' and the point blank 'Tyra Banks is fat'. Tyra, as you may have guessed, doesn't like that one bit. she said:
"It was such a strange meanness and rejoicing that
people had when thinking that was what my body looked like. It was
really hurtful to me."
But it's not just her feelings Banks is worried about. She's also concerned about her potentially chubby teenage fans:
"I get so much mail from young girls who say, 'I look up
to you, you're not as skinny as everyone else, I think you're
beautiful'. So when they say that my body is 'ugly' and 'disgusting',
what does that make those girls feel like?"
We have a theory on the new fat Tyra. We think it's a publicity stunt – she did the fat thing once before,
remember? She put on that fat-suit and tricked skinny guys into buying
her lots of dinner. We're pretty sure she's doing the same thing, but
we think her people accidentally stored the suit in the sun, and it
melted a little – hence it's new smallarity. The only way we can know
for sure is to talk to Australian beach-witnesses to see if anyone
noticed a velcro strip going all the way down her big fat back.
And as for you jerk-wads mocking hefty people online all day, be
ashamed! Fat people are some of the nicest people we know. It was only
them that sent an emissary to visit us in the hospital after we got a
stomach staple, and said emissary was the only one who would wipe the
square-foot of barbecue sauce off our medical gown when we didn't feel
like it because our arms were still too tired from repeatedly lifting
pork-ribs to our mouth, lips and tongue.
That's right insensitive jerks, if you gotta mock someone all day –
try retarded people. We knew one once that just thought he was so cool.
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B. Shadow says
Gotta love that attitood – “People love me because I’m fat but if you call me fat I’ll snap your arms off” Attagirl Tyra
Christopher says
Tyra’s a moron. I’ve seen Top Model and she had no mercy on the girls she ran through there. They were even using camera tricks to hide her fat a$$. I think she’s slimmed down since but, hey… she’d better have with all the smack she’s talked.