Did you write off High School Musical as tiresomely juvenile even though you knew you’d actually wet yourself if the exact same sentiments were conveyed in a slightly emo way?

Then you’ll be thrilled to hear that that Twilight is the weekend box office number one.

While Twilight‘s US weekend box office success has its obvious downsides – like the fact that people have decided that Paramore aren’t a cock-awful gaggle of useless bad emo twits any more – it also has its upsides. For instance, Twilight being number one at the weekend box office means that if you’re British, have quite a nice haircut and wouldn’t be able to say or do anything even remotely charismatic even at knifepoint, you’re now guaranteed to get a girlfriend. True, she’ll be 14 years old and literally as annoying as a human being can get, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Get used to hearing about Twilight because now that it’s number one in the weekend box office, it’s likely that it’ll become a huge Harry Potter-style movie franchise. And that means that the stars of Twilight had better get ready to put some real work in, because it’ll only be a few years before they start to visibly age and, while films about a noble-hearted abstinence-promoting vampire are sweet, a film about a middle-aged vampire who hands out with spinsters and – we’re guessing – masturbates an awful lot would just be creepy. Here’s the weekend box office top five.

1 - Twilight (Personally we’re hoping that Twilight‘s weekend box office success prompts all existing vampire movies to go back and adopt a strict no sex before marriage policy. Bram Stoker’s Dracula, for example, would have been so much better if those three lesbian vampires all crept into Keanu Reeves‘ bedroom and developed a longstanding bond of non-threatening companionship with him. We’re sure the 14-year-old us would have enjoyed that just as much as the bit where everyone has it off with each other. Yes) $70,553,000

2 - Quantum Of Solace (Still riding high in the weekend box office, despite easily being the most disappointing film of the year. OK, that was an overstatement – you wouldn’t believe how peeved we were when we discovered that The Other Boleyn Girl didn’t feature scenes of Henry VIII having a laser battle with a robot dinosaur on top of a speeding train going up a mountain – but it’s close) $27,400,000

3 - Bolt (Although third in the weekend box office, Bolt is still apparently enjoying the biggest opening of any 3D movie in history. That’s right – even bigger than Rottweiler Dogs of Hell. Even bigger than Asylum Of The Insane. Even bigger than The Fascinating Wold Of Materials. Even bigger than, and we never thought we’d say this, Cat Women Of The Moon. So, you know, congratulations) $27,000,000

4 - Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (Hands down the best movie David Schwimmer‘s ever been in. And, yes, we’re including Breast Men in that list, purely because Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa doesn’t have Sabrina The Teenage Witch‘s aunt’s tits in it) $16,000,000

5 - Role Models (A film where some children treat Paul Rudd as a role model, and subsequently start make films co-starring the ghost of Eva Longoria. And better films, too, but that’s the only one people remember because it seems like it’d wind them up the most any time anybody talked about it) $7,229,000

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Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo