TV Review – 10 Years Younger, Channel 4

Channel Four continue to make you, dear viewer, feel like a dog’s dick. If it’s not tales of woe, it’s making you know that you aren’t up to scratch.

It’s likely that these TV spods aren’t actually lefty liberals with a will to help the poor and needy. It’s more likely a room of Nathan Barley‘s using irony to bully you into submission, whilst they all have a giggle at your expense.

Obviously, these twerps at C4 towers won’t do the dirty work themselves. A long line of upwardly mobile swine are on the streets and out to get you. Leading the finger wagging is the petrifying Nicky Hambleton-Jones from 10 Years Younger (also known as Aryan Youth Goes Mental On A Prole).

Channel_4_10_years_younger_review
For those of you who have never seen 10 Years Younger, the premise is basically this: Hambleton-Jones gets someone who has had a hard paper round in their
youth… and gets a team of so called experts to point and poke at them
until they are so dizzy and disorientated that they are willing to
agree to anything.

The viewer has to assume that it takes place in
Guantanamo Bay, not in the supposed towns as they claim in the
vile-cast. Not only are these poor people picked on by idiots with daft
haircuts, but they are also paraded amongst the general public whilst
they finger, snigger and say "she looks a hund-er-ed years old because
she has big teeth and a frock on."
Last night’s episode of 10 Years Younger was no
exception.

The poor lady from Bolton looked haggard. Presumably after
spending a day with some ‘hip to the lip’ Channel 4 types. By the time
the viewer clasps eyes on her, her face looks like 10 battlefield
casualties stuffed into a condom. Her teeth also gave the impression
that someone had already laid gravestones for the wounded.

So, off the poor lady goes to the 10 Years Younger ‘experts’. One, a plastic surgeon who
claims the bedraggled woman has "an overactive forehead" which
naturally needs "an entire face lift, bag removal of the eyes…" The
worst news is that she will also have a practise known as a ‘chemical
peel’ which essentially means they pour acid on your face and burn your
skin off. Whilst watching, you can hear the faint scribblings of the
FBI taking notes. Either that, or your own teeth grinding themselves
into a powder. Next, a hairdresser – camp of course – who threatens perms
and crimps or whatever gawd-awful style he can muster, and a dentist
who wants to remove all of her teeth, and replace them with Stanley
knife blades.

All the while, our menacing presenter rubs her hands together, and dreams of invading a small defenceless country.

Naturally, the 10 Years Younger ‘contestant’ is burned, dressed up, cut open and brow-beaten to a point that she would be happy if the makeover left her with
one of her arms cut off, kicked out into the winter night with a sign
around her naked waist claiming ‘I love Jaffa Cakes’. They spin the
mirror for the show’s ‘reveal’ and understandably, the poor woman
weeps. She is happy. So is Hambleton-Jones. Nicky is happy because
she’s made a difference. The made-over lady is happy that she is free
from the icy grip of a lady who has turned her mind into peas.

The worrying thing is that C4 refer to 10 Years Younger as a
“cruel-to-be-kind show.” Furthermore, its worrying that these monsters
have a book out
. The open gambit of Chapter One reads like this:

“Thank you for purchasing this book you ugly piece of shit. Throw away all your mirrors. You are a disgrace.”

Jolly stuff eh? Even if it is completely fictitious.

That doesn’t matter though, as this really is the sentiment of this vomit-fest, and guess what? You can’t get enough of it.

Read more:

10 Years Younger - Channel 4

[story by Mof Gimmers]

 

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Comments

  1. Maddison Gordon says

    hi! im writing in as myself and my mum watch your show and we love it! My Mum is the greatest Mum and has so much for me so to repay her with a special Thankyou to show her how much she means to mean i would like ehr to appear on your show as she always talks about doing it! if this is possible then please give me an email back on sexymaddie04@hotmail.com thankyou maddie

  2. emily dartnell says

    hello

    my nan is not happy with her image she has a really bad puffy eye and a very liney face and she has only just turned 60. she has smoked for 45 years and is now trying to give up, she is unhappy with her teeth aswell please save her!!!!

  3. Romy says

    The episode on 22nd February 07 a green maxi dress was shown and said it was from Dorophy Perkins, when is it in the shops because i can’t find on their website? thanks.

  4. says

    You will have to wait a few months for that maxi dress. Its a summer item. Sign up for dotty p’s style mag and you will get the info in the summer issue.

  5. Jadene Christian says

    Hello please help my grandma arlene she is unhappy with her body and image and has been begging me to do this for her it would make her very happy if she gets choosen to look 10 years younger she said it would be life changing experiance to go back and look 10 years younger and she will feel better if this happens to her.

  6. says

    i have this foster parents and she does not like the way she looks because she is just turning 50 and she has started to get wrinkles and she wants to go on this programme because she wants a better figure than she has got now and she wants to know the better fashion of clothes because at the minute because she does not know what suites what best and how she should look when she goes out you know

  7. says

    I know Sandy Keys and I would like to know when her makeover will be aired on TV? I live in Lansing MI and I also need to know IF I can view this show (10 Years Younger” in the Lansing area – if so, which channel can I view it on?