Many a BBC Producer harks back to a 'golden age' in which people stood around the water cooler and asked each other "Hey – did you see Top Of The Pops last night?"
Neglecting to mention, of course, that the statement was invariably followed by "Wasn't it the biggest pile of sweaty old donkey bollocks you ever saw in your life?"
Officially the World's Worst Ever Music Programme – the case for the alternative view being that episode where David Bowie put his arm around that bloke which was 'revolutionary' for some abstract reason – Top Of The Pops has finally keeled over and died. It went out, however, in characteristically cack-handed fashion.
Filming of the final edition apparently:
"descended into chaos … when half of the studio audience walked out."
The last ever programme – presented by Jimmy Saville and Fearne Cotton (somebody give this girl a good show, please) – ignited the attending crowd's anger when it was revealed that:
" …the show – which will air in the UK on Sunday – includes no live
acts and is made up of old clips of performances spanning Top Of The
Pops' 42-year history. Halfway through the recording – in which clips of the Spice Girls,
Madonna, Beyonce Knowles and The Rolling Stones were shown – the studio
was left almost empty."
To add insult to injury, the 'classic' video clips on display comprised of utter non-performers such as checkout-girls-got-lucky The Spice Girls and professional make-up saleswoman Beyonce, a viewing experience roughly about as entertaining as that bit where Malcolm McDowell is forced to watch recurring Nazi footage in A Clockwork Orange.
Still. While Top Of The Pops may – at last – be dead, hecklerspray forever salutes the next generation of music-makers. In fact, we've got something of a game to play.
We've come up with five prospective band names. The first group to name themselves after one of these titles – and to provide hecklerspray with a recording of your music as proof that you're, you know, real – will win a very special prize* indeed!
So. Without further ado, those Prospective Band Names in full:
– Gay Flying Lions
– Dead By Forty
– Young Black Farmers
– Official Cheese Violation
– Spearmint Truth Federation
Come on, kids! Get tuning those guitars …
* (Please note: 'very special prize' will actually be something we pick up from the local Poundstretcher)
[story by C J Davies]