The best programme to come out of the BBC for years (okay, we’ll give you Dragons Den, but not The Apprentice) is in danger of being axed – all because a bunch of miserable sods want to ruin everyone’s fun.
Same old story then.
Transport 2000, an organisation of greenie cycle lovers, probably the same people smacking into your car wing mirrors with their handlebars every morning, want to get Top Gear banned because "It glamorises speed and fails to make the connection with danger on the roads”. Put hand on head and sigh deeply.
And we haven’t even told you about ‘Third Gear’ yet…
Save us from these repressive campaigners. Any campaigners in fact. Especially those convinced you definitely follow their point of view without even knowing you exist. They are right and you are wrong, and that’s why they’re going to make your life a misery. A bit like Christians, come to think of it.
“Everyone is talking about how to reduce car use, cut climate change emissions and make the roads safer but, to quote in perhaps its own language, Top Gear effectively sticks up its fingers to this." said a deity-like campaigner from Transport 2000 this week.
Don’t Transport 2000 (bet that name seemed like a good idea five years ago) realise that some of us don’t give a stuff about environmental issues? Some of us enjoy driving our cars – like whacking on a bit of The Cult and trying to emulate the opening titles of Layer Cake . Wouldn’t work on a push bike now would it?
Though that’s the point with these campaigners, they won’t ever let us have both. You can’t have a bike and a car; you must only have a bike or walk. Or you’ll go to Hell.
Admittedly Top Gear is a bit laddish at times, but at least it’s refreshingly unapologetic. Fun even if your idea of a good night out isn’t lying outside Wetherspoons waiting for an ambulance. For one hour on a Sunday we can all have a bit of a laugh looking at cars we’ll never be able to afford. It’s a bit of a giggle, that’s all. We enjoy it. Leave us alone.
A big complaint of Transport 2000 was last series’ land speed free for all across the Pendine Sands, a Jaguar, Porsche, BMW drag race if you will. It was great. Loads of skidding and wheelspinning. We hope you watched it.
And this is the opinion of Pendine’s Community Council too,
“It keeps Pendine on the map.” said clerk of the council Paul Wilkins, “I don’t know if I would link it to Top Gear but we would certainly like to see Pendine retain its name as a testing venue for land-speed records or performance records or anything of that nature.” He doesn’t seem too upset about the whole thing to us.
In a final foot stamp Transport 2000 have suggested that Top Gear is only directed at a male audience. So exactly like What Not To Wear only being aimed at a female audience then? Sorry, there have been about three guys on it actually. And we do believe laddish Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was one of them.
Yes, horrible Mr. Clarkson. Chauvinistic, bullish, sexist and everything else. Also presenter of one of the best documentaries about anything ever, BBC’s For Valour: The Victoria Cross. First shown two years ago and repeated about five minutes later because it was, in a word, sublime.
More importantly this anti-female viewers jibe is just plain wrong. A Top Gear Spokesman claimed that over half of the show’s three million viewers are women. We say ‘claimed’ because apparently Transport 2000 is calling this spokesman a liar. Hope you’ve got some good hard evidence for that one, geeks, sorry, guys.
You still want to know about ‘Third Gear‘, don’t you?
Don’t even worry, it’s so much better than you think. “Top Gear should be replaced with a programme called Third Gear about sensible driving in sensible vehicles.” A real person at Transport 2000 said that. Not Alan Partridge or Marge Simpson. Someone actually sat down and thought that one out. Words might fail us, but laughter certainly doesn’t. Idiots.
Let us just close by hoping Top Gear’s producers don’t take a blind bit of notice of Transport 2000’s moaning. Maybe they should even sue them over the female viewers comment? We don’t want to encourage public service litigation, but if it’s between that and the budget for another series of My Hero, we think the decision’s already been made.
Campaigners of all sorts take note. We want a car (maybe two), a bike and our legs. We’ll use them all when we feel like it. At least while we have a blade of grass within throwing distance anyway. Besides, if we sort all the environmental problems out for future generations what will they have left to do? Nothing but ban the bike for encouraging unnecessary tyre pollution probably.
They have got a point. Have you seen the grips on the new Kona? Ban worthy, definitely.
Read Top Gear’s website and support the burning of rubber.
[story by Chris Laverty]
the romster says
I love driving fast. And when I don’t I usually walk or use public transport. Cyclists are the biggest ignorers of pedestrian crossings and traffic lights and pavement laws… so fuck ’em all.
Viva Top Gear.
Carter says
Transport 2000 suck ass.