Why are we so fascinated by vampires? From Dracula to Buffy, it seems we just can’t get enough of the bloodsuckers.
But why? Do we secretly crave the idea of becoming an empty soul, devoid of human emotion, and only interested in satisfying our own wanton bloodlust through the corruption of innocents. A bit like Madonna. Or is it just because we like the idea of good lie-in. Never growing old is pretty good too. Mind you, you’d miss the sunshine. But then again, we live in England, so it’s swings and roundabouts.
Whatever the reason, we just can’t get enough of them. How else do you explain the popularity of Dr Gillian McKeith‘s You Are What You Eat? Indeed, it seems anything is acceptable as long you dress it in a long, black cloak, fangs and a ghostly complexion. Maybe Hillary Clinton should try it. Oh, she already has (terrible joke, we know).
Anyway, hecklerspray has decided to pick through the crud to find the best Hollywood vampires – and we don’t mean the studios.
8. David
Film: The Lost Boys (1987)
Jack Bauer is a vampire. Oh yes. Not sure what’s more frightening: the fact he’s a bloodthirsty killer or the fact he has the balls to have that hairstyle.
7. Blade
Films: Blade (1998), Blade 2 (2002), Blade Trinity (2004)
OK, Wesley’s Snipes‘s titular hero is in fact half-vampire and half-human, hence the reason he can walk around in daylight. But as we’re never going to do a list for the top 10 movie characters that are half-vampire, half-man, it’ll have to do. The opening nightclub sequence in the first film sets the tone for what is a brilliant series.
6. Count Orlok
Film: Nosferatu (1922)
OK, technically, he and Dracula are one in the same as it’s an unauthorised version of Bram Stoker‘s Dracula – with the names changed to protect the not-so-innocent. But, again, give us a break! Why do we like Nosferatu so much? It looks really dated – not surprisingly for a film made in the 1920s – and the dialogue is simply appalling. But, even to this day, there is something about Count Orlok himself which just creeps us out. The silhouette of him and his incredibly long fingernails coming up the stairs really sticks in the memory.
5. Selene
Films: Underworld (2003); Underworld: Evolution (2006)
Forget the ridiculous story and the shitty special effects, Kate Beckinsale‘s sexy vampire assassin is worth the admission alone.
4. Santanico Pandemonium
Film: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
If you had never heard of Salma Hayek before, you certainly did after this film. One of the most memorable movie entrances ever.
3. Severin
Film: Near Dark (1987)
If you have never seen this film, you must rent it out immediately. Basically, it’s almost the entire cast of Aliens (minus Sigourney Weaver and, of course, the xenomorphs) as gun-toting, ass-kicking bloodsuckers.
And at the top of the list is Bill Paxton‘s wisecracking vamp Severin. Simply brilliant.
2. Mr Barlow
Film: Salem’s Lot (1979)
One of the scariest vampires ever. We did not sleep for a week after watching this. OK, we were five.
1. Dracula
Films: Too many to list here
Whether it’s Christopher Lee, Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman or, er, Gerard Butler, every generation has their own Dracula. And so will the next generation, and the next, because his story will be told over and over again. Dracula has almost become synonymous with horror, and just like the character, will live on. Although, can we just say, Keanu Reeves‘s display as Jonathan Harker in Francis Ford Coppola‘s 1992 film is probably the worst ever performance by an actor. He really should not have been paid for that. Glad to get that off our chests.
David Scarborough says
Totally overlooking William Dafoe in The Shadow of the Vampire.
TN Brat says
Ok I may take a hit on this, but what about Lestat? Not “Queen of the Damned” Lestat, but Tom Cruse as Lestat.
Shooty* says
I think you sit around and say “OK, what list can we create that has Salma Hayek in it?”
She does seem to appear in a disproportionate number.
Stabby McGee says
“She does seem to appear in a disproportionate number.”
I’d quite like to see Salma Hayek appearing in several disproportionate numbers. I particularly look forward to the numbers 8 and 9.
Stabby McGee says
Also, Willem Dafoe was playing the actor who played Count Orlok, which is kind of a cop-out choice with so many other decent vampires committed to film.
Not to take anything away from him though – Shadow of the Vampire was brilliant.
toolahroolahroolah says
Willen Dafoe…that name even sounds like a vampire’s. And he is rather vulpine looking, even in daylight.
On the funny side, ‘Love at first bite’ was worth it for the “I’m Jewish” line alone.
TF-Fan says
Ah come on, were are the Anne Rice vamps?
they are by far the best.
Marty says
Interview with the vampire with Brad Pitt?!?!
HELLO?!
Alice says
Erm, League of extraordinary gentlemen… Not that great, but I really liked the vampire in it ^_^
bloomfever2002 says
I am a fan of vampire movies and I have to say you forgotten some great performances. Alliayh as “Queen of the Damned” was brilliant. She was creepy and sexy all in one. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt did a decent job but Antonio in Interview was devilishy sexy. Also In Blade Trinity, Dominic Purcell was awesome.
br says
“Dr Gillian McKeith”? Her bloodsucking tendencies may be a matter for debate, but she’s definitely not a real doctor. She’s a quack with a mail-order doctorate and a penchant for pseudoscientific nonsense.
Perhaps a vampiric McKeith would insist that blood contains iron, and iron is magnetic, so victims must be aligned north-south…
Eben says
I pretty sure you forgot The Count from Sesame Street.
Stabby McGee says
Hahaha… Blade Trinity. Stick Triple H on there while you’re at it… hurr.
err says
let the right one in? the vampire in that is great