People who solve crimes are pretty sexy. I mean, not as sexy as criminals, because everyone loves a badass, but overall, being the person who figures shit out and saves the day is pretty hot. Just look at Columbo! (Just kidding, don’t look at Columbo, he’s a troll, but damn does he solve a good mystery).
Anyway, unlike in the real world, where detectives aren’t all that hot, television detectives are usually total fucking babes with chips on their shoulder and dark pasts, which I find very appealing. Here is a ranking of the top 10 tv detectives that make me drool.
10. Jessica Fletcher
First of all, no, this is not a joke list. Jessica Fletcher is a smart, sassy, sexy old woman. It’s like if one of the Golden Girls became a detective (I would watch that show). And you can’t say the Golden Girls weren’t sexy because those bitches got laid ALLLLLL the time. Like more than me, and I’m engaged. And that’s not a dig at my sex life, because it’s great, I just mean those bitches got the D like every single day. Even I don’t have that kind of energy. Just realized how far from Jessica Fletcher this has gotten…