With Sly Stallone’s bizarre announcement that he’d like Bruce Willis to appear as a villain in The Expendables 2 (because apparently flogging a dead horse once just isn’t enough) we here at Hecklerspray decided to man up and have ourselves a good, ol’ fashioned Die Hard marathon, to re-acquaint ourselves with one of our favourite action movie icons.
But something troubled us deeply, Die Hard, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Die Hard 3: Die Hard With a Vengeance and Die Hard 4.0: Life Free or Die Hard, the scenes seemed to be a lot more ridiculous than we remembered. Happily this meant that we can bring you the top 10 most ridiculous scenes from the Die Hard series.
As much as well all love Kevin Smith, he doesn’t really belong in a Die Hard film. Die Hard films star people like Samuel L. Jackson and Alan Rickman, not Silent Bob. His extended cameo was also partly responsible for the film Cop Out, which is another reason to hate his character, plus he makes people call him Warlock and is referred to as McClane and Farrell’s only hope, which is just a bit too geeky, even for us.
Maths isn’t my strongpoint, truth be told it isn’t a lot of people’s strongpoint, so how a cop who’s too stupid to wear anything other than a vest at Christmas and a middle aged man who still works as a shop assistant manage to solve this puzzle is beyond me.
8. Jumping off the Nakatomi plaza – Die Hard
In one of the most iconic scenes from the Die Hard quadrilogy our favourite New York Cop jumps from the exploding roof of the Nakatomi Plaza skyscraper whilst using a fire hose as a safety line, inadvertently giving some nut-cases the idea for BASE jumping. Miraculously the weight of a fully grown man falling doesn’t result in the hose simply breaking off and letting him fall to his death, it holds on for just long enough to give him time to get back inside… typical.
7. The Military Go AWOL – Die Hard 2
The Army Special Forces team lead by John Amos are called in to deal with the terrorists who are hiding in a little church just outside the airport. But wait, they’ve been using blanks, because they’re the bad guys too! Yep, the cavalry are on the take and have decided to turn their back on their country, kill one of their own men for some unknown reason and fly off into the sunset with a dictator.
6. John Mclane vs Water Pressure – Die Hard With A Vengeance
John McClane might have finally met his match as he tries to outrun millions of gallons of water rushing down an underground tunnel in a dump truck. Dump Truck vs millions of gallons of fast flowing water and yet he still survives, by being fired out of a manhole no less, how does any of that make sense? Surely the water pressure and the metal manhole cover would have crushed him to death, but no, not our John, his skull is made from Steel.
5. Blowing Up A Jumbo Jet – Die Hard 2
At the end of Die Hard 2: Die-Harder-than-you-would-have-died-originally-even-though-that-doesn’t-make-sense-because-you’d-have-died-the-first-time it appears as if the bad guys have managed to escape. Until McClane turns up with his trusty Zippo to make them explode in the most over the top way possible. Out of all the weapons he had access too, he chose a zippo to destroy a plane filled with evil soldiers.
4. Killing That Helicopter With A Car – Die Hard 4.0
Apparently the reason John McClane chose to fling a car into a Helicopter was because he was out of bullets, not because he’s so hard that the laws of physics have to bend in his presence to accommodate all that testosterone.
3. John McClane Survives Explosion – Die Hard 2
Our ultimate hardman is caught between a rock and a hard place. Inside the cockpit he is hiding in is a live grenade and outside it is a group of Special Armed Forces Soldiers baying for his blood. Rather than throw the grenade back out and hope to take out some of the soldiers McClane decides to eject at the same moment the grenade goes off, providing a brilliant escape strategy and once again proving John McClane’s vest is indestructable.
2. Jumping onto a plane – Die Hard 4.0
This one is surely the most self explanatory of the lot. John McClane, a 135 year old New York cop leaps from a crumbling freeway exit ramp onto a fighter jet. I don’t care who you are, that’s a special kind of retarded.
1. The Rest of Die Hard 4.0
Let’s face it, this film is a joke, John McClane has a smart-ass sidekick and is older than time itself. Plus it’s about computer hackers, it’s basically just Bruce Willis and Justin Long vs 4chan.