Angels. They’re funny things aren’t they? They live in heaven (which looks pretty boring) and have wings for no discernible reason. If you were God’s Army, surely you could fly without wings, right?
Either way, they fly around and totally exist and play harp really well. Although, we’ve taken our eye off the ball. We don’t document angels nearly as frequently as we once did. They’re all probably playing keytars or Moog synthesizers now.
That’s not to say there haven’t been angels on our radar. Away from religious paintings and cave etchings, we’ve had a few in pop-culture… alas, with varying degrees of success.
Because ‘spray is a massively religious group (seriously – we say ‘Jesus Christ!’ all the stinkin’ time), we had no difficulty in thinking of the finest angels to grace our presence.
Okay.
We did. Still. Here are the best and worst. You can disagree or agree all you like.
Anything for a response really.
Angel from X Men
Angel from X Men has the splendid real name of Warren Kenneth Worthington III. He’s one of the founding members of the mutant vigilantes. Of course, being an angel, he’s an arrogant, self-absorbed playboy who turns into a mawkish, introspective sort. He has wings though.
Date With An Angel
You know what would be great? Going on a date with an angel. Good thing someone made a film about just that starring Michael Knight (no really) who suffers from a massive brain tumour and ends up falling in love with an angel. Alas, he discovers her because she KOed herself on a satellite. Alas, Jim is betrothed to another who, with her knickers outside of her jeans, tries to shoot everyone with a shotgun. In this film, we also learn that angels like fries. Amazing.
Highway To Heaven
While this show was intended to showcase the kindly face and demeanour of Michael Landon, as he played a kindly angel, what it actually gave us was a dream in Double Denim, dry-ice and the hairy Victor French. Amazing Sunday afternoon TV fodder.
Pygar The Angel from Barbarella
Blind and muscular. Just how you ladies like ’em. Sadly, he also lives in a nest. Oh well.
Nicolas Cage in City of Angels
It’s Nic Cage! Nic Cage as an angel! What’s not to like? He also gets off with Meg Ryan and gushes, “I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.” Who could resist Cagey’s long face muttering that? NO-ONE.
Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased)
An angel, of sorts, comes back to Earth in a sharp white mod-cut suit and helps to solve dastardly crimes. At last! A useful celestial creature!
It’s A Wonderful Life
Angel comes to the aid of suicidal man and guilt-trips him into staying alive for more of the world’s rich pageantry… such as filling forms in, doctor’s appointments and hoovering. Thanks a lot Clarence.
All Dogs Go To Heaven
Did you know that all dogs – even really evil ones that hump cushions and bite toddlers – go to heaven? That’s what we were told by the ’89 animation that, without once cracking up, tried to show us an angel dog voiced by Burt Reynolds. Yes really. Burt’s voice, via an angel dog, shows a young orphan girl all about love. No. Not like that.
Angels In The Outfield
Angels doing good deeds? Forget that! They just wanna play baseball for the Pittsburgh Pirates, on a season-long loan from heaven’s baseball team Heavenly Choir Nine (no, honest – they’re a team of deceased ballplayers). Alas, the team ultimately have to rely on their own skill and guile, which is fine, but angel sportsmen are way cooler.
Juan Pablo Angel
The only angel ever spotted in Birmingham.
Anyway, watch this video wouldya?
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!
Robin Darke says
Why no love for the fat Angel from the “There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart) video?
trevin says
do you like to become a angle in your life ?