Tom Hardy is the Manliest Man in the Universe

tom hardy lawless I recently saw the movie Lawless, where Tom Hardy plays this cardigan-wearing, grunting redneck that sells moonshine illegally. I know this description makes him sound less than extraordinary, but au contraire! I think I’m in love with this man and his manly manliness. 

What makes Tom Hardy the manliest manly man in the entire universe? Well, it’s a bit complicated. You see, a lot of layers make the man. Let’s take a journey and see what makes Tom Hardy so…hearty?

The Acting

Hardy’s the kind of actor who allows his actions to speak volumes, while his words are either nonexistent or one syllabic. The only language he really needs is body language. And okay, I have to admit that I am kind of looking at him as a piece of meat, here. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great actor, but I am a hot blooded heterosexual female and have eyes, so he’s great to look at, too.

Most probably know him as the villain Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. He was super awesome and menacing and everything that Bane is supposed to be, but my imagination was seriously put to the test with the whole mask thing. Am I supposed to just envision those pouty lips that I know are hiding under there? Guess so.  “Hey, Tom Hardy’s face is gross! Let’s cover it up with this mask,” said no one (except Christopher Nolan).

tom hardy warrior

Last year, he starred in the movie Warrior, about a mixed marital arts competition or something or other, I don’t know. I was so distracted by muscles. Lots and lots of muscles. Seriously, I want to establish permanent residence on the prime real estate that are his trapezius muscles. There’s this one part in the movie where someone says, “He ripped the door off a tank!” And I was like, “Hell yeah, he did. Because he’s Tom motherfucking Hardy!”

The Beard

tom hardy beard

Look at his beard. Just look at it go. It’s like this beautiful, yet masculine, tapestry cascading down from his face. If there were some kind of museum for beards, his would be on display in the great hall. People would be posing with his beard because that is what a beard is supposed to look like. Young boys would look up at their fathers and ask, “Daddy, why don’t you have a beard like that?” And the fathers would say, with chagrin, “Because I am not Tom Hardy, son. Because I will never be the man that Tom Hardy is. I have failed you.”

The Soft Side 

tom hardy reese witherspoon this means war

In the romantic comedy This Means War, he plays a super charming federal agent competing for Reese Witherspoon’s affections. They go on a date at the circus or something and he ‘s able to say cheesy things like, “sometimes falling is the best part,” without making me want to dry heave.  He’s also starred as Heathcliff in the Masterpiece Classic version of Wuthering Heights. As a Heathcliff (and all things Wuthering Heights) connoisseur, I can confidently state that he’s PERFECT, even with a heinous mop of hair on top of his head. Nothing is more macho macho man than a guy who knows how to relish in a bit of romance every now and then.

The Accent

I hate to reduce any man down to his accent because that’s something that he can’t really help and it’s unfair to make assumptions on anyone’s virility based on that, but I am an American girl and that is what we do. We hear a raspy British voice and it’s game over. Consider the panties dropped.  I won’t make any excuses for myself because they would be futile.

And there you have it. Tom Hardy is everything that you should want to be and more. I’m going to leave you with this picture of him kissing a baby because why not?

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Comments

  1. fondurant says

    I’m sick of watching movie stars who can’t act or ugly actors who can. This guy is as rare as hen’s teeth. He’s a sexy, handsome, smoking hot actor who has more talent in his broken pinky than most of Hollywood combined. Take note casting directors. Fancy casting Mr Potato Head Renner as Jason Bourne when we could have watched Tom.

  2. Jill Gamble says

    I LOVE this article. You speak the truth about Mr. Hardy. I first laid eyes on him in Inception and since then have purchased pretty much everything he’s ever been in. He is an amazingly talented actor who transforms himself so completely that sometimes it’s hard to recognize him (Watch ‘Stuart: A Life Backwards and Bronson) In short I think he’s a genius. It’s hard to put into words what is so attractive about him, although you did a great job. He just has IT. He’s sexy, sweet and so so manly. I love his swagger. I love him!!!! I’m glad he’s finally getting recognized for his talent and I would love him to get some Oscar nominations for The Dark Knight Rises or Lawless. He has been in the business now for about 11 years and deserves some awards. I look forward to his future projects and will be a life long fan of his x

  3. Ketch22 says

    Hardy’s portrayal of Bane won me over as a fan for life. I’ve been catching up on his other movies ever since. The man can make even a cardigan look hot.

  4. Emery says

    Excellent post, thank you for sharing! I honestly knew nothing about Tom Hardy until one of my coworkers at DISH starting talking about him one day, but ever since then I’ve been borderline obsessed, lol! I didn’t watch any of his movies either, except for Batman, so I was very impressed when I finally got some of his other movies in the mail with my Blockbuster @Home package. My coworker just raved about him in Wuthering Heights, Bronson and Warrior, so those were the first I watched. I was absolutely ecstatic with all of his performances, and definitely have raised his rank to my favorite actor lol. It doesn’t hurt that he’s nice to look at either! :)

  5. says

    The things I would do to him if given the opportunity would send me strait to hell a very happy girl. That said, he really is an amazing actor… its a shame hes falling victim tho to the dreaded type casting.