The only reason?anyone cares that Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are dating?is because we all know what a giant pervert Tiger is. That’s all. Otherwise, no one would be interested. If he was dating Taylor Swift … then maybe … but short of that, he’s old news.
Tiger is no longer the young wonder-golfer who captivated the world with his exotic good looks and humble carriage. Now, he’s a middle-aged dude with enormous teeth and a receding hairline, who used to be amazing golfer and now is just a pretty good golfer, and … oh yeah! … who cheated on his bombshell wife with lots and lots of women who happily sold their stories to the press in extreme dirty detail for the world’s vicarious pleasure/judgement. That’s who he is now.
Since the new couple … officially dubbed Liger, to the dismay of all Napoleon Dynamite fans … invited us into their business by publicly announcing?their happy news, one naturally begins to speculate on their chances of survival. And, frankly, it’s a tough call.
Here are a few reasons why they might make a great couple:
1. They both appear to be endorsement whores.?Brand endorsements are awesome,?but are they contractually required to wear brand logos at all times? Could they not have put the Nike/Under Armour away for the photo shoot and put on something a little nicer?
2. As a world-class, Olympic gold-medal winning athlete, Lindsey may have the physical conditioning necessary to keep up with Tiger’s rapacious sexual appetite.
On the other hand, there are also a few, quite obvious reasons why they might not be well-suited for each other:
3. Their chosen sports are about as opposite as you can get. Golf is one of, if?not the, slowest and most painfully boring sports ever. Alpine skiing on the other hand, is fast-paced, thrilling, and dangerous.
4.?Tiger’s career requires temperate weather and gentle terrain. Lindsey’s requires snow-covered mountains. Not too compatible.
5. The tie-breaker, forecasting an eventual?break-up, has to be their awkward body language in the photo below. They do not look like a happy couple at all: the half-hearted lean-in,?hands politely kept to themselves, no physical contact. In this honeymoon phase of their relationship, they should be much more handsy. They are doomed.
Hopefully, I’m wrong, and Tiger and Lindsey will live happily ever after. If not, I believe Taylor Swift’s between men?at the moment.
Carmen says
I have been giving some thought to this matter. I think that this whole thing is part of a massive campaign to rebuilt Tigers image, regain the public favor, new sponsors and more revenues! I read the appearance fees some countries were paying Tiger have decreased since his appeal abroad went down hill after his sex cheating scandal!!! They tried to use Elin and the children; hence the multi-million dollars proposal for remarrying that was reported by The Enquirer! Elin did not accept! When this failed they went with Lindsey Vonn who seems willing to do anything for publicity and money! Even sleep with a serial liar and cheater like Tiger Wood! They are both truly pathetic! Tiger has not changed! He is still an arrogant and self centered individual who only cares about himself and his pleasure!
hey says
you do realize he’s #1 in the world right?
JEREMY says
There is Old World proverb that reminds us ‘A TIGER CANNOT CHANGE HIS STRIPES’.
This story is definitive evidence of that fact.