You can say whatever you like about Tiger Woods, but at least he’s an equal opportunity pork swordsman.
No, seriously, he is. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall or short, thin or fat, naturally blonde or peroxide blonde, filled with so much collagen that you look like a fish or filled with so much collagen that you look like ruptured hot water bottle – there’s a good chance that Tiger Woods will start humping your leg after about ten minutes of meeting you.
And age doesn’t seem like too much of a factor, either – another alleged Tiger Woods mistress has emerged. She’s called Theresa Rogers, and she’s old enough to be Tiger’s mother. Now that’s dedication to the cause.
There’s no point counting all the women who have been romantically linked with Tiger Woods any more, because the number varies wildly depending on who you talk to. Some say it’s up to 11. Some say it’s up to 14. Others say that, on a deeply spiritual level, Tiger Woods has had sex with all of us in one way or another. But, regardless of the number, it seems clear that Tiger Woods has been a very busy billionaire.
The latest of these alleged Tiger Woods mistresses is Theresa Rogers, a Florida woman – reportedly 48 years old – who apparently had a five-year affair with Tiger Woods that began before he got married, but continued afterwards. This would apparently make her the unnamed cougar who was linked to Tiger back when all of this tawdry nonsense kicked off. And, if the New York Daily News is to be believed, it was Rogers who taught Tiger Woods all about sex. We know, try to keep your dinner down:
“The latest woman linked to the golfing great reportedly bragged to her buddies that she showed Woods “everything he needed to know to be a great lover.” “Theresa was crazy about Tiger but she didn’t want to feel like a bought woman, a paid escort,” a source told RadarOnline.com on Tuesday. “She just wanted to be the woman who schooled Tiger in the bedroom.”
If this is true – and Theresa Rogers hasn’t confirmed any of it yet – then we shouldn’t be surprised. It was clear right from the beginning that Tiger Woods wouldn’t just limit his escapades to women who were roughly the same age as him. That’s far too slim a demographic for someone as committed to sleeping around as Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods doesn’t see age. Tiger Woods just sees muff. Oh, hang on, we’ve just grossed ourselves out a bit.
But still, if we were Theresa Rogers we’d enjoy our moment in the sun. At the rate this is unfolding, she’ll simply be another name in the pile by the end of the week. And she shouldn’t get too big-headed about being Tiger Woods’ oldest alleged mistress, either. For all we know, he’s shagged older. That’s right, we’re looking at you Queen Elizabeth II!
Actually, we’re not looking at you at all. Please don’t behead us.
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shooty* says
V V good.
I hate the phrase “cougar”, mind, but that “tiger doesn’t see age!” was a tea-on-screen moment.
T S Umbra says
“Tale of Tiger Tail?”
http://www.voicesnet.org/displayonepoem.aspx?poemid=162839
Tom D says
If Tiger had 14 (or even 20) women on the side during his time from 21 to 33, then he wasn’t all that busy. I probably had that many “extra-curricular relationships” during a similar age and I wasn’t as good looking nor did I have millions of dollars to attract them.