Look at you. Are those plimsolls? Actual plimsolls? Are they ironic plimsolls? Or just normal plimsolls?
Are you poor? Or just pretending? Think before you answer, because should they be anything but ironic, and society – cool society, where people like Pixie Geldof and?Henry Holland live – will turn its back on you.
It’s a cruel, unforgiving place – society. It dictates that grown adults should peacock about town with their skinny jeans damn-near squashing their balls, and everyone actually seems to like Lady Ga Ga. And Lady Ga Ga is a total cretin, by the way. But they buy her singles with their iTunes for their iPods. They love her. They also like stonewashed jeans.
With survival in mind, here are four things you should at least claim to like, unless you fancy getting completely ostracised by your so-called friends:
1. The Wire
No one honestly likes The Wire. How could they? It’s written by a man whose mind is so complex and crammed with information that it would take a million Rubix Cube experts to figure out what he’s trying to say?at any given moment. With most television programmes, you could safely take a five minute phone call without missing out on too much, but should you so much as yawn at the wrong moment, and you’d have to rewatch?The Wire from the start. Even so, society dictates that you adore this show, so if you find yourself caught in the middle of a Wire storm, just start nodding and repeating the words “Bubbles” and “Omar” on loop until everyone shuts the hell up.
2. Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse is an?intriguing human being, with her angry sailor tatts and drug habit. Her hairstyle can be quite fascinating too. All of which masks the fact that she really is quite atrocious at singing. A cockney guttersnipe by day, when she opens her mouth, she does a high-volume nasal impression of Billie Holiday, which is so forced as to be borderline offensive, like when Jim Davidson decides to do an impression of a West Indian. That said, society thinks that this girl has got the lot, so for Christ’s sake, just agree with them. The alternative would be to have all of your friends hate you.
3. Slumdog Millionaire
For anyone who hasn’t seen it, he wins at the end and gets the girl. And before you start freaking out because you were waiting for the Director’s Cut to come out, take a moment to accept that you already knew that. You knew that because it’s obvious. Really really obvious. Which isn’t a bad thing. Many films have an obvious outcome. No, the thing that makes this so unbearable is that it’s exactly the kind of film that the pipe smoking women who dictate what we should?watch build up to such an extent that when you eventually see it you’re expecting a?life-changing experience, and yet you leave the cinema feeling just as emotionally crippled as you were when you went in. That’s not fair. Still, pretend to like it, if you know what’s good for you.
For more “observations”, why not visit Interestment.co.uk
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Electric Spectre says
That was three. I want my money back
Joke Police says
Skiing. It’s AMAAAZING.
New York. Oh isn’t it just the best, I went for a long weekend and I the shopping is AMAAAZING.
The Apprentice – didyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitIcan’tbelieveXgotsackedYblatantlyshouldhavebeensackedandisn’tZreallyfit.
China Blue says
I’m a contrary little cow who’s not afraid to say that she thought Slumdog sucked, Lady Gaga can kiss my BBA, and I am totally bypassing the Wire because I will be watching it 10 years after I die, to watch Spiral instead. Oh, and Paper Planes? Hated that too. It sounds like a 6 year old rapping over a Bontempi tune with someone banging pots and pans in the background.
I don’t give a shit about what other people like, I’ll take something on its own merits and judge for myself. And if I dislike it when its popular and change my mind a year down the line, so be it.
*folds arms and harrumphs*
Sarah says
Here here, China Blue. I approve. Just can’t get past how horrible TV on the Radio sounds to me, no matter how many people rave about Return to Cookie Mountain, it’s sheer torture not unlike nails running down a chalkboard. I don’t know how people listen to Lady Ga Ga either. It’s hard for me to say her name out loud, much like having to order the Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruity at IHOP when all you want is some damn pancakes.
Stabby McGee says
I don’t have any friends, so none of this is an issue for me.