New ‘Smurfs’ Movie Will Be Live Action. Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.

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Evil Smurfs in what could possibly happen in the upcoming movieIs nothing from our childhoods sacred?

The prospect of a movie based on the ancient and well-regarded cartoon The Smurfs was hardly something that had filled us with joy.

It made hecklerspray let out a trademark sigh as we looked forward to another summer of movies single-handedly decimating the best years of our lives.

But this week the news suddenly became plain ridiculous, when it was revealed the upcoming Smurfs movie, apparently still in the works even though everyone had forgotten about it, will be – wait for it – live action.

Live action with sprinklings of CGI!!! Like the recent Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.

Oh dear!!! Apparently, as Variety reports, David Stern and David Weiss, the authors behind the last two installments of Shrek, are in talks to write the screenplay.

So far, there is no word on who will direct it, when it will be released and what it will be about. But that is almost comforting.

Now, you know we at the ‘spray aren’t ones to bitch – far from it.

In fact, we’re positive guiding lights of glory in the world today. But this has to rank among some of the most insane ideas ever. What in the (literal) blue hell are they going to do with it?

Have tiny CGI Smurfs invading a human-populated locale? Are they going to use midgets? Is Lindsay Lohan going to put on a blue costume and slut it up with all the other blue horndogs?

Time will tell.

You see, what was originally meant to be a cartoon remake has turned into a live action, CGI affair. Both of these options are welcome when reviving a beloved creation, as long as due care and attention is paid to the source material.

But part-CGI, part-live action smacks of either pending incredible failure or the chance to terrify a whole new generation.

Tiny blue computer-generated men (and a girl) hanging around with people? Or just, well, blue people? The thought is too much for fragile minds to take on board.

But at least it cannot be as terrifying as this, no matter how tight the Papa Smurf costume may be.

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Comments

  1. Dallas says

    I’ll bet they are planning for something a la Alvin et les Chipmunks, where David Seville was live-action and the Chipmunks were not. At least this would avoid the sheer horror of live-action smurfs.

    Almost makes sense, as they could have a live Gargamel and CGI smurfs.

    d.

  2. Spike Lee says

    Stern and Weiss made a film about Smurfs that ran for more two hours total, and there was not one Negro actor on the screen. If you reporters had any balls you’d ask them why.

  3. Clint E. says

    you’ve lost his mind. I mean, it’s not accurate. you should shut your face!

  4. Kevin says

    a) No, nothing is sacred.
    b) If anything were sacred, it wouldn’t be the goddamn Smurfs. A Smurfs movie will not in any way, shape or form change the old Smurfs cartoons. Quit being a baby.

  5. says

    Wonder what took them so long, I would of thought this would have been done a long time ago. Hopefully they do a good job with this classic cartoon. I think Megan Fox would be good as the voice of Smurfette.

  6. Ana Cláudia Marques says

    I only hope the artists shall get the Smurfs’ appearance as alike as they can be, also respecting original humor from comics and cartoons. I’d simply hate watching them with some kind of ‘toilet humor’, if you all understand me…

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