Some Rolling Stones facts for you: 1) The Rolling Stones have a combined age of just over three million.
2) Mick Jagger was friends with Moses. 3) Approximately 85% of The Rolling Stones is gristle, making it unlikely that they’ll ever be turned into sausages. But despite being so old that they now legitimately look like a bunch of ghost transvestites, The Rolling Stones are still refusing to split up.
The band have angrily denied Australian reports that drummer Charlie Watts will no longer tour as part of The Rolling Stones. They say that Charlie Watts’s drumming is as integral to the band’s sound as Mick’s howl, Keith’s licks and the general screeching grind of osteoporosis that can be heard whenever the three of them get together and move in unison. Or something.
The Rolling Stones aren’t a particularly pretty sight at the moment. Ronnie Wood has transformed into a sort of alcoholic, woman-beating crow. Keith Richards looks like the end result of an experiment to remake the clay bust from the Lionel Richie Hello video out of sun-dried animal scrotums. Mick Jagger increasingly looks like the rebel faction of the WI. And then there’s Charlie Watts – the member of the Rolling Stones it’s OK to not be visually appalled by.
But if rumours from Australia are to be believed, Charlie Watts might not be a member of The Rolling Stones for much longer. Reports yesterday suggested that Watts – who, to be fair, turns 69 next week – will back out from touring with the band, but will remain to record whatever half-baked, underperforming albums The Rolling Stones choose to record.
But, hey, turns out it’s all bollocks. Charlie Watts isn’t going anywhere – partly because he loves The Rolling Stones, and partly because he’s old and it hurts when he walks. NME reports:
“Contrary to a fabricated and ill informed report that appeared yesterday on a small music website in Australia, we would like to make it clear that drummer Charlie Watts has not left The Rolling Stones,” a spokesperson explained.
That’s great news! And be sure to keep checking hecklerspray – first for embarrassingly minor news about peripheral members of bands that people haven’t cared about for 30 years. Well, maybe not first as such.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
Sean Mac says
Gonna be pissing myself all day over the Keith Richards one. Jesus!!Just managed not to gob coffee everywhere!
stella says
They should switch to horror movies, none of them would need any make-up. They look like Sri Lankan masks of evil spirits used in shamanic rituals.