Imagine if Kindergarten Cop had never been made; it'd have made The Pacifier a whole lot more original, wouldn't it. Now, imagine that The Pacifier had never been made; because that's what The Game Plan really really wants you to do.
The Game Plan – the movie where The Rock plays a rugged bachelor put in charge of the young daughter her never knew he had with hilarious consequences – is the current number one movie at the weekend box office, proving once and for all that movies where unsuitable men haphazardly try to raise children goes down a treat with moviegoers. But even though The Game Plan is at the top of the US weekend box office, some of you may still not have seen it, in which case here's a spoiler alert – The Game Plan ends when The Rock, rendered exhausted by the sudden unexpected pressure of becoming a father, snaps in a supermarket and shuts his screaming daughter in a freezer cabinet until security tasers him unconscious.
The Game Plan proves one golden weekend box office rule – American audiences love seeing The Rock larking around in an American football uniform. First Gridiron Gang topped the US weekend box office and now The Game Plan has too. It all goes to show that The Rock should only make movies about being an American footballer – we can only imagine the success that Doom or Walking Tall would have enjoyed if only The Rock was kitted out in all sorts of ridiculous padding and played a needlessly complicated stop-start game in the middle of them. And maybe The Scorpion King would have been more enjoyable in that case, too – although we think only handfuls of free prescription medication given out at the cinema door would have made that possible. Here's this week's US weekend box office top five…
1 – The Game Plan (The Game Plan is a Disney movie, so expect to see its nine-year-old star Madison Pettis in a series of uncomfortable naked internet photographs soon, followed by the world's most disturbing pregnancy) $22,675,000
2 – The Kingdom (A movie about Iraq starring Ray Charles, Ben Affleck's wife and the bloke out of Arrested Development. We're not even sure it's as good as we've made it sound, either) $17,694,000
3 – Resident Evil: Extinction (Surely the Extinction part means that there'll be no more Resident Evil movies after this, right? Wrong, as next year's Resident Evil: Partial Inexplicable Relapse will prove) $8,000,000
4 – Good Luck Chuck (Not the film where Jessica Alba takes her top off. That's all you need to know, you masturbating goons) $6,300,000
5 – 3:10 To Yuma (You want proof that the summer box office season is over? How about the fact that even deathly dull cowboy remakes about trains can stay in the weekend box office top five after a month?) $4,160,000
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