The sum of our knowledge about American football has this week been extended to three things. Up until then we knew that 1) John Madden computer games are as dull as hell, and 2) Hang around long enough and you'll see Janet Jackson's knockers.
But now we can add to that: 3) You people love American football so much that you'd make any American football movie top of the US weekend box office. That's the only way that we can explain that, for the third time in four weeks, an American football move – this time Gridiron Gang – has made it to the top of the US weekend box office. Even though it's got The Rock in it. And it looks like a big bag of over-sincere codswallop about how sport can save your life. Which it can't, no matter what Ian Wright insists on telling you.
Christ knows why – seriously – but American football movies seem to be the flavour of the month. A couple of weeks ago Invincible was top of the US weekend box office, and now it's the turn of Gridiron Gang. Perhaps Gridiron Gang is top of the US weekend box office because showing sports to be a way to further and strengthen the force of the human condition is the fastest way to emotionally connect with disillusioned males in these troubled times, or perhaps Gridiron Gang is top of the weekend box office because Americans like the sound of paying to see The Rock in tight trousers. Yeah, that's probably it. Here's the US weekend box office top five:
1 – Gridiron Gang (Apparently Gridiron Gang is based on a true story – a true story about a wrestler pretty much copying every single crappy-ass generic 'troubled boys redeem themselves by sports/the military/a martial art/flying a plane into the engine of an alien spacecraft' movie that's ever been made ever, as far as we can tell) $15,000,000
2 – The Black Dahlia (Hilary Swank playing an actual woman instead of a man dressed as a woman or a frightening female boxer? Who'd want to go and see that? Apart from Chad Lowe, of course) $10,362,000
3 – Everyone's Hero (Like Gridiron Gang – but about baseball and starring a talking baseball bat that was directed by the dead bloke who used to be Superman. No, not Ben Affleck, the other one) $6,150,000
4 – The Last Kiss (A Zach Braff movie. Which means it's either a bit of a try-hard, therapy-friendly circlejerk with a nice soundtrack or a wacky bag of laughs with a rubbish therapy-friendly voiceover two-thirds through and a shit soundtrack. We haven't seen it, so we don't know. Obviously) $4,702,000
5 – The Covenant (One week in and the idea of watching a film about a bunch of sexy warlocks throwing balls of badly-animated plasma at each other for 90 minutes still doesn't sound like anything apart from a big bag of shit) $4,700,000
Read more:
Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo
[story by Stuart Heritage]