Ahh, Valentine’s Day. It's not far off now. You?ll see them, sitting there on tables for two, staring blankly over one another?s shoulder, wondering whether to pop the question to ease the crippling silence.
Then they?ll get married. He?ll do a speech about how wonderful she looks today, without once mustering the desire to so much as glance at her, as she sits with a fixed grin, her teeth shaking under the pressure of smiling so much.
After that, they might enjoy three awkward evenings which wind up in fumbled stony faced sexual intercourse every six months, and one will lead to the birth of a child. And that child will go on to fame and fortune, and everyone will cheer, because there is a happy ending.
The credits roll.
Here are some other great romantic comedies that were actually made into films?
Groundhog Day
Bill Murray has made some wonderful films. There's the one about golf, the one where he's a really bored actor making a bet with himself to see if the pretentious girl who wanders around Japan attempting to locate her inner amazingness will get off with him if he quotes a few lines from Dawson?s Creek. Then there's Ghostbusters. And then there's this, Groundhog Day. It's a great film, which finds Murray going through the same day over and over again, before he finally gets to fondle Andie MacDowell?s round womanly breasts. Rather fittingly, it's so good that you could probably watch it repeatedly.
Coming to America
There's a message here ? it goes something along the lines of ?money isn't everything?, or ?it's who you are on the inside that counts?, or ?the meek shall inherit the earth?. And yet, in many ways, Eddie Murphy?s exercise in deception ? playing an African prince pretending to be penniless in order to woo a lady ? wouldn't actually work in real life. Think about it ? how many times have you seen a tramp in a doorway tongue kissing a beautiful model? Perhaps twice? Three times at a push? It's very rare. Still, this is moving stuff, and probably the last of Eddie Murphy?s great turns. Unless you count the one about the fat people being all fat.
Chasing Amy
Here?s one for all of those unfortunate romantics who have managed to get to Date Three before realising that the moustached woman in dungarees sitting opposite is actually a lesbian. It's always a massive cock-punch when that happens. Anyway, here, the lesbian is a bit of a curveball, because she looks like your everyday hetero in so many ways. Hence why Ben Affleck fancies his chances. That's right, ?Ben Affleck?. He's in it, and the film is notable for starring Ben Affleck, and yet it doesn't leave you with the urge to brick up your lounge, then run onto the streets to punch anyone who happens to be passing by in the face. For that reason alone, you have to watch it. It also stars Jason Lee, who ? like Tom Cruise ? thinks that some people are actually lizards.
Annie Hall
You can't claim to love romantic comedies and not have sat through at least twenty Woody Allen films. The story is usually the same ? a man in the middle of a panic attack falls in love with someone pretty who reads books, and then all hell breaks loose. Cue a little man making quips about sexual inadequacies, his love interest taking a shine to a poet/musician from ?the Village?, him going slowly bananas, her saying that she's really sorry but she's moved on, him asking how she could possibly move on, her saying that she just has, him asking whether it was the relentless questioning that did it, her suggesting that it might have been, him asking what she means by that, her wondering what he's getting at, him pointing out the other guy's flaws, her saying that this kind of behaviour is exactly the problem, him suddenly going silent, her explaining that she just couldn't live with his constant whinging, him whinging about that. The end. Brilliant.
When Harry Met Sally
If you only ever watch one film in which Meg Ryan pretends to have the female equivalent of a male orgasm in a packed restaurant, before an old lady on another table makes a hilarious quip about wanting the same meal, then make that film When Harry Met Sally. It stars Billy Crystal when he was still likeable, and Princess Leia is in it as well. The story goes that men and women can't be friends without eventually having sex with one another, which might come as something of a shock to the various women in Phillip Seymour Hoffman?s life. For example.
This was a guest blog by Josh Burt, organiser of the magnificent Interestment Comedy.
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Andrew says
Not one of those even come close to the Top 5.
Love Actually
Notting Hill
Bridget Jones’s Diary
These are bare essentials on such a list. I would also include The Holiday, but that is more my own personal preference.
Si says
@ Andrew – assuming that you are a man and not a chick with a funny name…wtf????? the phrase ‘P***y whipped b***h’ springs to mind.
Si says
Ive just noticed that the article is written by a guy too. Same goes to you.
If you are a man who hasnt yet been beaten into a former shell of himself by his partner, romcoms are ranked by how short their runtime is….shorter is better. Ideally they will also have a quiet soundtrack to facillitate napping through(when you do fall asleep, try not to dribble on you girlfriend as this is a sure giveaway).
It is possible to sleep thru all romcoms as they all have exactly the same plot/ script. so if your girlfriend questions you to see if you were paying attention all you have to know is their names. Generally this info can be gained in the first 90 seconds of the film leaving plenty of nap time.