The Superbowl is one of the most peculiar spectacles on Earth. For a start, the whole world reports on it despite not even having the vaguest idea what is going on. Of course, the basic elements of American Football are incredibly easy to dissect. Get ball – score touchdown – wear helmet.
However, elsewhere, it’s utterly mystifying. Man shouts a series of numbers like he’s gone mad watching Lost, then, swings it under his gusset like bull’s bollocks, before handing it to someone who launches it toward a man who gets jumped on, leaving the commentators to say 96th, 3rd and down or something. Then they repeat the process and go to an ad-break.
The Superbowl of course, has the longest half-time break ever (it lasts for approximately 42 hours) and has bands on while the fans run on the pitch. For a bit. And this year, the entertainment will be in the shape of The Black Eyed Peas.
Of course, The Black Eyed Peas are a strange spectacle in their own right. When they’re staring at you with wide eyes, wondering why on Earth you’d be offended by a song called ‘Let’s Get Retarded’, Fergie is urinating inside her own trousers on-stage, making her the almost palatable version of GG Allin.
And we never thought we’d compare those two. Ever.
Anyway, there’s been some gigantically famous acts on during the Superbowl half-time show in the past. You may have seen Bruce Springsteen, The Who, Paul McCartney and Prince playing. Yeah. And now The Black Eyed Peas. Whoever goes to the Cowboys Stadium on February 6th will no doubt feel shortchanged.
It’s like being ordering steak and getting a drawing of cow in return.
We still don’t understand the fascination with American football, but of course, that in turn will make us curious and tune in for the thing as usual and report on that all-important Who Will Do The Big Expensive Commercial Break Thingy This Year?
So yeah. GO SPORTS! TOUCHDOWN AND 8th! NICKEL AND DIME! HUP! HUP!
Sorry. We learned all we knew and promptly forgot it from John Madden’s games on the Megadrive.
*ahem*
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Cookie Monster says
I don’t get the whole Superbowl thing either. It’s like the Oscars; I’ll youtube the highlights (no, I won’t, but I could). Here in Canada – have I mentioned that I’m Canadian today? No? Okay – we have the Grey Cup. It’s two years shy of the happy 100 (http://greycup.cfl.ca/). Another little sports thing we have is hockey, and that Stanley Cup beer mug has been handed around since 1893.
Admittedly, we have yet to feature Janet Jackson’s winking nipple or a meth-faced Fergie of the Dead Eyed Pees. Our bad…the Canadian national PR firm is working on having Zinedine Zidane headbutt each Black Eyed Pisser, and then headbutt one of JJ’s tits so hard that her nipple jewelery leaves a tatoo on ZZ’s forehead. Now that, my international friends (to use the term like silly putty on a hot day) will be a half-time show!