In this age of getting mediocre celebrities to try their hand at something new for the telly, it’s an amazing coup for BBC Three to sign Britney Spears up for a one off documentary where she performs open heart surgery – with crazy consequences!
As entertaining as that would be, it would require several things that this program doesn’t have: A budget, willing patients and, crucially, Britney Spears.
This is a documentary about her fans, not just those that have an album or two, but the absolutely hardcore mentalist ones, the ones that own red catsuits and you’d cross the road to avoid. Especially if you were Britney Spears.
Britney Spears Saved My Life focuses on a handful of these nutcase fans, almost without exception teenagers, and therefore exactly the sort of blithering idiots that know everything about the world and are best placed to comment on it.
One warns us that it’s “weird how her fans understand her, but her family don’t.” This isn’t a close personal friend, or, in fact even someone who has met Britney, but can still give us her under-qualified opinion.
The programme, for 50 minutes, is a parade of idiots telling us how they feel a connection to Britney, like her songs were written for them, or how she got them through a tough time in their life. Because if there’s anything to brighten up your life, it’s deep, meaningful lyrics like “I spotted you dancin’ you made all the girls stare”.
Since they are Super Fans, they must own every piece of tat that she puts her name, face or signature on. “This is shower gel, not just perfume,” we’re excitedly told, “she does everything.” Small but important correction: She does ANYTHING.
For some reason, they’re far more interested in every tiny turd in Britney’s life than the real people around them, with a strange looking sod popping up to tell us that “I used to wake up in the morning thinking ‘is she going to be okay?'” Not entirely sure why, although I must confess I did the same with Michael Jackson, but only because of the whole him being reported dead the night before thing. I don’t do it every day. Certainly not now, anyway. The same guy also says, with a completely straight face, “Strong independent women doing it for themselves”. You go, er, girlfriend.
The final ten minutes shows all the fans getting together in a room, dressing as Britney and doing a little happy dance. I think they were supposed to be doing the same dance, but not everyone got the memo and offer some uncoordinated jumping, like Stephen Hawking trying to go for a jog.
I’m not entirely sure what the point of the programme is, as none of the people in it particularly make you feel sorry for Britney, just pleased on her behalf that she lives so far away from them. But I just don’t understand, it’s all so meaningful, man.
This was a guest blog by Nik Johnson from Shouting At Cows, which is all in all fairly brill.
You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!
James says
OMG That was the best program iv ever seen what a bunch of *****s haha best ever simple but effective.
It was hilarious. says
However, the 18 year old blonde girl was FIT. FIT. FIT. FIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT.