If we’d just been arrested for buying a bunch of crack and powder cocaine, we’d be fairly grumpy about it – start the day without crack? We’re not animals!
However, Tatum O’Neal is positively thrilled that the police caught her buying crack in a sting operation. According to her it was apparently the first time she’d bought herself any crack after years of sobriety, and the arrest was like a rough, humiliating intervention from Jesus Christ himself.
What’s more, Tatum O’Neal says that she only turned to crack because her dog died. Seriously. Maybe this is where Amy Winehouse went so wrong – she’d have been an angelic little choirgirl if her guinea pig hadn’t got the sniffles when she was six and a half.
Crack cocaine is no joke – it can cause convulsions, nausea, high blood pressure, anxiety, strokes and – in the case of Tatum O’Neal – the ability to dream up all manner of rapid-fire bullshit excuses at the drop of a hat. Or at least that’s what it looks like.
Yesterday we told you how Oscar-winning actress Tatum O’Neal had been arrested for buying crack during a sting operation in New York. That in itself isn’t exactly a grand surprise – not only did Tatum O’Neal once lose custody of her kids to John McEnroe because she was all spazzed out on heroin, but her family is such a gang of drug-mullered buttmunches that Sundays at theirs regularly involve gun fights, head injuries and boys tied to banisters like dogs.
So, now that she’s been arrested, the celebrity guidebook says that Tatum O’Neal should lie and cheat and plead not guilty and force a number of delays to proceedings in order to force a plea bargain out of the prosecutors and then snap it up as fast as she can.
But, since she’s technically not really a celebrity any more, Tatum O’Neal has tried a different tactic – she’s praising the police for catching her before she got to smoke any of that horrible crack and she didn’t even know it was crack anyway and boo hoo her dog’s dead and her mum’s dead too. Entertainment Weekly reports:
”I’m still sober! Just when I was about to change that and wreck my life, the cops came and saved me. I was saved by the bell, by the guys in the Seventh Precinct.” The actress says the death of her 16-year-old dog sent her into the downward spiral that ended with her hitting Manhattan’s Lower East Side on Sunday night in search of drugs. ”It triggered that my mother passed away [from addiction] in ’98″… O’Neal told the Post that she didn’t even realize she was buying crack. ”It’s both?” she asked the Post reporter. ”I didn’t even know what I was buying!”
It’s certainly fortunate that police managed to arrest Tatum O’Neal at the exact moment that she was about to try cocaine for the first time in who knows how many years. What are the odds of that happening?
Still, at least this miraculous arrest means that our fears of Tatum O’Neal being a drug addict are completely unfounded. Had the police not arrested her at the exact moment that they did, then Tatum O’Neal would have a fully-fledged addiction again, but because they did she’s as clean as a whistle and as straight as an arrow.
Yup, Tatum O’Neal is definitely clean, and her story completely holds up because it’s not like she’s about to go to rehab for treatment is it? Is it, anonymous law enforcement source quoted by the New York Daily News?
“She’s going to go to her own, high-priced, out-of-the-spotlight rehab to get clean – again.”
Oh.