Look, I know you're busy, so I'll make this quick.
What with all the problems with the economy, the BP oil spill, those contagious monkeys hanging round your flat, that growth on the inside of your right nasal passage and all that stuff, you probably haven't been keeping up with the latest news involving ?kind of used to be famous, scarily orange girls who fall out of nightclubs for a living?, such as Tara Reid.
God knows you haven't been following her straight-to-video film career, right? I mean, no one has. Most of the films she made in the last two years don't even have Wikipedia pages. How is that possible? Even Hitler Bacon has an entry, and that sounds made up (and totally delicious).
Anyway I promised you the short story, so here it is:
Proposed to by German internet millionaire in January, planned wedding for summer, called off the wedding in April, went to a party on a boat with him, Jackie Collins, Ivana Trump and the Astronaut Buzz Aldrin and was seen? – according to tvnz?s whisperings:
sitting on Michael’s lap looking lovingly into his eyes as he pursed his lips together for a kiss
Oh yeah. The internet millionaire is called Michael or something. I didn't think you'd care to be honest.
Done and done. You can go back to pretending to work now.
Although, hold on. Stuff the fact that some brightly coloured out of work actress is going back for a drunken gimme with her wealthy ex ? Buzz Aldrin was there? What the heck did NASA feed those guys? ?The real story here is how on earth an 80-year-old piece of ballast for a rocketship managed to swing an invite for an amazingly expensive boat party while I'm at home trying to find a stockist for Hitler Bacon.
Well, at least he probably went home early to watch recorded episodes of Countdown and ring the speaking clock, right? Oh, what?
Later in the evening, Tara cuddled up to Buzz? and took to the dance floor.
I mean, it's still incredible that an octogenarian with a frankly ridiculous name is still out partying with ladies less than half his age, but still, Buzz. You can do better.
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tori1979 says
Her latest film DOES have a Wikipedia page… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fields_(film)