That’s because Red Hot Chili Peppers have announced that they’re splitting up. We know, we were distraught too – what were the Red Hot Chili Peppers if not The Beatles of bad funk-rock that all sounds identical?

But, hey, relax – it’s only a temporary split! According to Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis, the group is disbanding for ‘a minimum of one year’ so that they can focus on other things for a while. So, although there won’t be a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album any time soon, at least you’ll be able to console yourself with the upcoming Flea Makes A Directionless Bim-Bom-Bim-Bom Noise Up And Down The Neck Of His Bass For More Than A Day 32-CD solo boxset.

It’s been almost exactly two years since Red Hot Chili Peppers released their last album, entitled Stadium Lampshadium – and that means that if you’re a die-hard Red Hot Chili Peppers fan it’s been almost exactly one year, 11 months, two weeks and four days since you got about three tracks into it, realised that it contained nothing but shallow retreads of other stuff they’ve already done before and promptly forgot that it even existed.

But don’t you be expecting a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album any time soon – there won’t be one soon. There might not even be one ever. Red Hot Chili Peppers are on a trial separation, you see, because playing two hours of music a night to tens of thousands of adoring fans like you’ve dreamed of doing ever since you were a little boy can make you sooo tired. According to The Mirror:

California-referencing rock-funk veterans Red Hot Singer Chili Peppers have announced they are disbanding for the next 12 months after becoming exhausted with their hectic schedule. Frontman Anthony Kiedis told US rock mag Rolling Stone: “We didn’t really stop until the tour ended last year. We were all emotionally and mentally zapped at the end of that run. The discussion was, ‘Let’s not do anything Red Hot Chili Peppers-related for a minimum of one year, and just live and breathe and eat and learn new things.’”

Wow, yes, OK, we take it back – if you haven’t even had time to eat or even to perform your body’s basic automatic respiratory function since 1999 like you’re claiming, Red Hot Chili Peppers, then by all means take a break. Take as long as you need! You’ve earnt it! Heck, take forever off if you need to! No, really. Take forever off. We insist.

As Kiedis says, though, this will be an important year for the various members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers because they’re all going to try new things. Kiedis is going to raise a son, the drummer has joined a jazz band, John Frusciante is working on solo stuff and Flea is going to try not to burn any more houses down.

However, there’s always the chance that, after their year off, the various Red Hot Chili Peppers will have got used to living at home in comfort and they’ll decide to make the split permanent.

And you know what that means – it means that there’ll be a TV show called Californication but no band performing a song called Californication. In other words, it means that Duchovny has won! That’s terrible! We don’t know which scenario is worse – a world where the Red Hot Chili Peppers still exist or a world where Duchovny gets to ramp up his cloying smugness a couple of notches. We lose either way. It’s just like being a child with two abusive parents. Um, we’d imagine.

Read more:

Rockers Red Hot Chili Peppers split – for at least a year – Mirror