by Stuart Heritage
Just because Sharon Osbourne’s face looks more and more like a novelty eraser shaped like a pineapple, you shouldn’t mess with her.
No, really, you shouldn’t mess with Sharon Osbourne. And you shouldn’t not mess with Sharon Osbourne, either. Because if you mess with Sharon Osbourne – or don’t mess with Sharon Osbourne – then you’ll end up getting attacked by her. Or not getting attacked by her.
Vague enough? Good. Because Sharon Osbourne is being investigated by police after allegedly attacking a reality TV show contestant who may or may not called Ozzy Osbourne ‘braindead’. We hope that clears things up.
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by Paul Sorrenti
In an act of betrayal not matched since the Italians turned their backs on the Nazi’s in World War Two, or when Sol Campbell moved to Arsenal from Tottenham on a free transfer in the cold, dark summer of 2001, Sharon Osbourne, who recently parted company with long time friend ITV, is preparing to jump in bed with the BBC.
Sharon recently quit ITV1’s X Factor because of something about money. She wasn’t getting her cut of the phone in vote or something. Whatever, she left them, and it doesn’t look like she’s going back.
But then again she’s no doubt said that to Ozzy a few dozen times over the years and yet, no matter how big the betrayal, she still remains by his side, the poor fella – as if being a human vibrator wasn’t enough to live with without that over-opinionated, under-informed, ear-ache hanging about the place.
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