Just because Sharon Osbourne’s face looks more and more like a novelty eraser shaped like a pineapple, you shouldn’t mess with her.
No, really, you shouldn’t mess with Sharon Osbourne. And you shouldn’t not mess with Sharon Osbourne, either. Because if you mess with Sharon Osbourne – or don’t mess with Sharon Osbourne – then you’ll end up getting attacked by her. Or not getting attacked by her.
Vague enough? Good. Because Sharon Osbourne is being investigated by police after allegedly attacking a reality TV show contestant who may or may not called Ozzy Osbourne ‘braindead’. We hope that clears things up.
Here’s a weird thing – when Sharon Osbourne was a judge on X Factor, people loved her. They called her Mum Of The Year. They let her advertise Asda. They didn’t even mention her freakish haircut. Meanwhile, Cheryl Cole was getting arrested for beating up women.
But now Cheryl Cole is the judge on X Factor, and people love her. They want to be her best friend. They’d even buy her clothes given the chance. They don’t even mention her freakish haircut. And, meanwhile, Sharon Osbourne is being investigated for allegedly beating up a woman.
According to reports, Sharon Osbourne is in trouble with the law for getting into a scuffle with Megan Hauserman, a contestant on her reality TV show Rock Of Love: Charm School. And quite a nasty scuffle, too, if you believe what you read. The New York Daily News reports:
Hauserman, known on the show for her svelte figure and sharp tongue, alleges that Osbourne flipped out, running across the stage and attacking her. Osbourne, who hosts the VH1 etiquette competition, apparently yanked Hauserman’s hair and scratched at her until security separated them, TMZ.com reports. Hauserman went to the hospital, but so far no charges have been filed.
Apparently the fight started when Sharon Osbourne made a ‘snide remark’ about Megan Hauserman, who retaliated by calling Sharon’s husband Ozzy Osbourne ‘braindead’. Which is feasible but for a single fact; we’ve seen Megan Hauserman on a couple of reality TV shows, and there’s no way that her brain works fast enough for her to respond to anything – let alone a Sharon Osbourne insult – without spending 45 minutes gazing into space trying to process all the complex information first.
What happens now is in the hands of the police and, if the cameras were on at the time of the attack, VH1. It might even lead to Sharon Osbourne’s dismissal from Charm School if there’s an arrest, and that would be a terrible shame – surely getting Sharon Osbourne to present a show called Charm School involved employing a level of irony that can never be topped.
Well don’t speak too fast, sonny, because Sharon Osbourne is a fighter, and if ironically-named reality TV shows are what she wants to do, then we’re sure she’ll find a way to get one off the ground. And if she’s stuck, here are some titles to start her off:
Sharon Osbourne’s House Of Natural Ageing.
Sharon Osbourne’s Worthwhile Children.
Sharon Osbourne’s Shack Of Not Sounding Like A Wasp In An Echo Chamber When She’s Angry.
Sharon Osbourne’s Normal Haircut.
Sharon Osbourne’s Institute Of Not Going Violently Apeshit At A Bimbo (Allegedly).
You know where to send the cheque, Sharon.