You know Shane Black don’t you? Scriptwriter of the first (and lest we forget, very good) Lethal Weapon (directed by Richard Donner, director of the original brilliant Superman), massively under-rated Last Boy Scout, Long Kiss Goodnight, director AND scriptwriter of utter geek-fest Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?

Well, he was all set to write and direct Iron Man 3 and everything was going to be LITERALLY brilliant. Reports now are that he’s just been demoted from scriptwriting and directing duties on Iron Man 3 and will only direct instead.

Which is like demoting James Bond to an office-administrator.

And the scriptwriting now falls to Drew Pearce, whose glittering credits include working on long-deceased British breakfast show The Big Breakfast and painfully unfunny BBC3 sitcom How Not To Live Your Life.

The decision to take one of Hollywood’s most impressive, bankable and – if you care to look for it – interesting screenwriters off a major franchise seems an odd one, unless the producers are determined to rob the franchise of any sense of fun whatsoever and instead have Zig and Zag pop-up for a perplexing cameo.

Heaven forbid anyone write something interesting, such as Tony Stark’s alcoholism as explored in the original comics.

Any of the eleven people out there (excluding myself, making up twelve) who saw how well Robert Downey Jr. responded to the writing and direction of Black in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang will now realise that Iron Man 3 will be even weaker than Iron Man 2 now that Black has had his teeth removed, making John Favreau’s castrated sequel look like a tour-de-force.

And anyone – such as myself – interested in seeing their young son punch the air saying “YES” at a key moment in a superhero film as he did during the first Iron Man can probably now look elsewhere.

Which is retarded, as that is EXACTLY THE POINT of films like this.

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Look, alright, we get it, there are no original ideas left in Hollywood – but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to start doing sequels to Lethal Weapon 4, OK?

Except Hollywood is. So much so that Joel Silver is currently trying to persuade Mel Gibson to make Lethal Weapon 5. Apparently Shane Black has had an idea for Lethal Weapon 5 that’s so amazing it’ll make Lethal Weapon 2 look like Lethal Weapon 4, and the whole thing rests on whether or not Mel Gibson wants to sign on the dotted line again.

Whatever you think of the idea, we’re actually praying that Lethal Weapon 5 does get made. After all, it’s been so long since we’ve been able to sit in the dark screaming “YOU WERE TOO OLD FOR THIS OVER TWO DECADES AGO, YOU HOPELESS GREYING TOSSWEASEL! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT JUST STOPPING? WELL, HAVE YOU?” at a projected image on a screen.

Bruce, Sly, Harrison and now possibly Arnie. That adds up to elderly revisits of Die Hard, Rocky, Rambo, Indiana Jones and Predator. That’s enough, surely.

Ah, we’re just kidding. That’s never enough. In fact, we’ve vowed not to stop until Steven Seagal decides to make our new script for Under Siege 3: What Are Terrorists Doing Hijacking A Stairlift? And Come To Think Of It, Why Does A Stairlift Require An Ex-Navy SEAL Professional Chef Anyway? but that’s for another time.

While we wait for that to happen, though, at least we’ll have Lethal Weapon 5 to look forward to. According to reports, genuine worst film ever Lethal Weapon 4 left so many questions unanswered – like ‘Why doesn’t any of this make sense?’ and ‘Has this film actually made blood come out of my eyes?’ – that Lethal Weapon 5 is now a distinct possibility. And that prospect is getting closer and closer, as Chud reports:

Joel Silver is trying to get Mel Gibson to sign onto the story idea penned by [Shane] Black, which would bring two fresh NYPD officers into the narrative fold. The idea is for Black to direct as well, taking up where Richard Donner failed left off.

Well, OK, if Shane Black is writing and directing Lethal Weapon 5 then actually it might turn out OK. After all, he was responsible for the Lethal Weapon characters in the first place, plus Kiss Kiss Bang Bang proved that he could direct – albeit with a weird insistence to stop every 30 seconds to let Robert Downey Jr burble on about nothing – so actually, we can’t think of a single thing that could stop Lethal Weapon 5 being brilli… oh wait, no. Mel Gibson.

Remember Mel Gibson? He was that man who used to be an actor before he decided to go into drunken Anti-Semitism full-time. Apparently Mel Gibson is the only one dragging his heels over Lethal Weapon 5 at the moment. Whether this is because he primarily sees himself as a director now, or whether he’s just weary about growing the mullet back remains to be seen.

But if Shane Black and Joel Silver really do want Mel Gibson to appear in Lethal Weapon 5, they’re probably going to have to concede some creative power to him. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

We don’t know about you, but actually we’d love to see a blood-porn Lethal Weapon movie conducted entirely in a dead language that ends with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover running down a hill slashing their swords at a terrified army of cartoon Jews. Who wouldn’t?