Post-jail, Paris Hilton promised to change her image and only do things that would benefit mankind - which is why she's got naked, smeared herself in gold paint and crawled across a desert like some kind of dreadful numpty.

Not that we should be shocked by this, of course - and don't pretend that you haven't seen Paris Hilton naked before, because you have, you bloody pervert - and anyway, it's all to advertise booze. Paris Hilton has got naked to promote her new range of canned champagne entitled Rich Prosecco, launched in Germany today. And it gets better, because Paris Hilton is going to donate 20% of all Rich Prosecco sales to charity. You see, if only Mother Teresa had thought to daub herself with gold paint and writhe around naked in the desert like a horny golden rattlesnake like Paris Hilton, then maybe everyone wouldn't have thought she was such a selfish idiot.