Regressive simpleton and spokesman for the thunderously stupid, Liam Gallagher, has decided that his opinion is worth a shouting at everyone… almost like people who use twitter. Y’know? Shouting at the ether?

And oddly enough, he’s decided to drag his knuckles into view and start shooting his lantern gob off about twitter like a frightened troglodyte frightened of a passing automobile.

Basically, he thinks twitter is for dicks.

Get that everyone? King Knob’ead wants you to know that anyone who uses twitter is a dick. Guess who is on twitter? Liam Gallagher, that’s who.

However, he’s got an answer for that. He’s got an answer for everything hasn’t he? Apart from, of course, how to make a decent recent record without the aid of his brother. And even then…

Anyway, the yelper says,

“I hate fucking tweeting, it’s for dicks. I only do it when something needs to be cleared up. I hate it. It’s rubbish… About all that, though, talking about your lunch, it’s like, come on… people need to be lined up and fucking shot, man, people who do that. It’s like, close the door behind ‘em, mate. Who gives a fuck, man?”

He has a point. Who really cares about what famous people are eating?

Step forward Liam Gallagher from a couple of years ago:

“Eat less, move more and don’t drink beer – it’s as simple as that. But me, I love pies and chips – so it’s really hard.”

Still, that’s a one-off right? Again, here’s Liam talking about his healthy new lifestyle from earlier this year:

“I run. World to myself. Birds. Trees. With golf, I love making proper contact with that ball. I’m still on the fish. Sardines or salmon. Salad. I feel good. It’s only the ciggies that really stand in me way.”

Close the door behind you, you wretched penis.

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Since Oasis split-up, we’ve literally been beside ourselves with apathy. The Gallaghers went from being feuding in the same band to… well… feuding in bands that sound like Oasis. It’s almost like nothing’s happened at all.

Still, with that, we’ve got twice the opportunity to peer at their collective work, with Liam’s Beady Eye churning out grot-boogie and Noel… well… turning into Badly Drawn Boy.

And he’s got a new record out and you can hear a snippet of new song – ‘I’d Pick You Every Time’.

It’s unclear if the song title is a tribute to Ralph Wiggum’s valentine card of I Choo-Choo Choose You, but frankly, we don’t care because we like to remember Ralphy whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Anyway, this new record appears to be a double A-side, coupled with ‘If I Had A Gun’.

We could check, but that really isn’t our style. Besides, if you’re reading this, you either don’t care or you’re an imbecilic Oasis fan who thinks they know everything anyway.

So without further adon’t, here it is.

30 seconds of Noely G’s Badly Drawn Boy tribute song.

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When the news reached people that New York had lost a piece of its iconic skyline due to a terrorist attack, it didn’t seem real. As rolling news stations replayed the footage of the deadly impact of the planes hitting the World Trade Centre and subsequent collapse of the buildings, it was more like a trailer from a movie or next generation computer game.

While many people ignore daily tragedies, the whole world united in the grief and panic for individuals they didn’t know. Ten years on from the event, we don’t know if subsequent action by world governments has reaped any sort of suitable revenge.

This weekend marks the tenth anniversary of the attacks; New Yorkers will no doubt come together in peaceful mourning for those lost unexpectedly lost. However, they’ll be an annoying din to soundtrack the day. Kasabian are playing to mark the anniversary.

9/11 was… and still is… a hugely emotional event. The world changed on that surreal day a decade ago. From that, governments fought an enemy with the efficiency of someone trying to bruise a puddle while all sorts of conspiracy theories sprung up, topped off with comedic scaremongering that told us all that anyone with dark skin and a beard is to be feared.

So why then, are a second rate Oasis tribute band called Kasabian deciding to voice their opinion? Fishing around the internet, we can’t find anything that links the band to New York when 9/11 happened way back in 2001. But then we realised, it’s all in the name of PR, giving the band a chance to saying some about a topic that the entire world feels strongly about. All because they’ve got a new album coming out. Twerp Tom from the band said to the NME:

“It will be strange for us playing in the city on such a big weekend for New York people. It will be emotional. I was at work and remember hearing 9/11 unfold on the radio. I remember going home and being in absolute shock. My mum had it on the news. It was f**king awful.”

One member of Kasabian isn’t enough, guitar monkey Serge commented further:

“Looking back to 9/11, I was at work. I went round Tom’s on my way home. I’d always go in for a tea and I was sat watching it with his mum when Tom came home from work. We were watching it in his front room. We were like everyone, thinking it was just mental.”

‘Just mental’. A great mind at work there.

And these great brains are, of course, planning a poor Beatles-style rooftop gig for reasons we can’t really explain. In all honesty, it heaps more pain on an already fragile day for New York.

Good for you lads. Good for you. So awful is your music, that you may as well urinate on the Bill Of Rights while you’re over there.

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Manchester. What a stupid, damp city. Swarms of middle-aged idiots in Adidas Samba waddle around with their bowed Ian Brown legs poking out from their khaki jackets and dreadful moddish haircuts, all recalling a time when it was alright to ‘ave it.

Alas, those Madchester days are long behind them, leaving them nostalgic and pink faced from cans of Stella, clutching their copies of It’s Great When You’re Straight, Yeah and feeling more mellowed toward The Smiths since Johnny Marr started acting like one of them.

And sure, while bands like The Enemy and Kasabian are around to plug a gap, there’s nowt like a band of Manc gobshites to really scratch that itch. So when Oasis split, the world seemed over. But then! Lo! Liam Gallagher brought Beady Eye to be the rebirth of NoWaySis which they could shout “COME ON!” in their Pretty Green t-shirts! And then Noel Gallagher released a sensitive solo single which reflected The Manc’s new, softer outlook on the world which coincided with the birth of their first daughter – Stacey. All they need is a night out with Noel. A gig to relive the glory years. BUT WAIT. What’s this? No show?

Noel Gallagher has announced three shows this October in support of his upcoming solo album. And there is no Manchester gig.

‘Noel Gallgher’s High Flying Birds’ is due the same month, but the former Oasis’er won’t be stomping around his old haunt (not surprising for a man who said moving to London was the best thing he ever did).

The short tour dates are as follows:

October

23 Dublin Olympia Theatre
27 Edinburgh Usher Hall
29 London HMV Hammersmith Apollo

So not only does Noel not want to play Manchester, but he’s also not bothering with the whole of Wales either. Oh well, at least Mancs are great at surviving off little more than nostalgia, eh?

Oh… if you don’t know what the NoWaySis reference was all about… look here. This actually happened.

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Since Oasis split, people have been dividing themselves up into two camps – Camp Liam And His Beady Eye and Team Noel And His High Flying Birds. Weirdly, all this taking of sides clouds the fact that both parties are prone to releasing very average music.

The irony here is that the feuding siblings are actually turning into Lennon versus McCartney, whom they both so dearly admire. Alas, their heroes were also prone to making distinctly average solo records after the Beatles split.

So if Liam sees himself as the aggressor with forays into manly sensitivity, then Noel is fast becoming the Macca, complete with cod-thoughtful lyrics and a little more musical adventure than his brother who is determined to fly the flag for rock ‘n’ roll (which has been dead for years).

Lennon, post-Beatles, obsessed himself with showing everyone that he loved good time rock ‘n’ roll, as well as forcibly telling everyone “I do have feelings y’know?” with various ballads. Liam has clearly decided to fulfil this role, paving the way for Noel to produce The Death Of You And Me, which is generally More Musically Gifted Than The Brutish Beady Eye record.

And here, the lines are drawn: It’s attitude versus skill. Who will win? Well, in fairness they’ll both win because this musical war covers up the fact that both artists aren’t making particularly adventurous music (then again, they never did and probably don’t want to).

Fact is, Noel’s new record will be hoisted aloft simply because it isn’t Liam, regardless of whether it’s much cop or not. Same goes for anything Liam does from now on.

This new track is going to divide some, while uniting the die-hard Oasis fans into saying “I LIKE THEM BOTH FOR DIFFERENT REASONS, OUR KID!”

Hopefully, if this is Noel’s foray into McCartneyisms, then we can look forward to him creating his own version of Temporary Secretary or Check My Machine.

Until then, here’s Noel’s new single for you to berate, fawn or feel absolutely nothing toward.

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Oh no! The world’s coming to an end! First Oasis, the greatest band in the world ever split up and now the Gallagher brothers can’t even reunite to watch one of them swagger down the aisle with his beloved lass.

It’s a terrible world that we live in, folks but we’re just going to have to accept it.

The Beady Eye frontman – who has avoided his sibling since their group Oasis split in August 2009 following a series of explosive rows – insists he hasn’t been invited to tomorrow’s nuptials between the John Lennon’s failed clone and Sara MacDonald, in spite of Noel’s recent admission that he wanted the knuckle-dragging, droning ape to squeeze his hair-covered torso into a tuxedo and swing his way to the church.

When asked if he was attending the wedding, Liam told the Chicago Sun-Times newspaper:

“No, I’m busy playing gigs in Chicago.”

At that moment, buses in Chicago were said to have overturned as the population of the city breathed a heavy sigh of relief that they wouldn’t have to miss a performance by the critically acclaimed Beady Eye.

“He goes on about how he wasn’t invited to my wedding. No one was at my wedding but Nicole’s mum and my mum. Get over it, mate. I’ve not been invited to his wedding. I’ll be in Chicago.”

This is to imply that neither Noel nor err… the… other Appleton sister were invited to the wedding of Nicole and that guy from Planet of the Apes because the only important people in the world are them and their mothers. Isn’t that sweet? Apparently the surviving members of The Beatles were invited to both weddings but Ringo Starr was quoted as saying:

“Not on your life, I fucking hate Oasis. And stop calling me Ringo! How did you even get into my house?!”

During his bachelor party earlier this month, Noel admitted he wanted Liam to be at his wedding despite thinking of him as being an utter twonk.

“He is my brother. He is a tit but he’s my brother so I guess he should be there. Yeah, I would want him there. Family is family on days like that and it would make a lot of people happy. But he’ll always be a complete twat.”

Touching, isn’t it? Once a twat, always a twat. Using that logic, it’s hard to understand why ‘The Brothers Grim’ don’t get on better.

The rockers’ mother Peggy is also keen for Liam and Noel to end their blood feud and believes the wedding is the perfect opportunity to do so. By fighting to the death in the arena of Mortal Kombat? Unfortunately not…

A source said recently:

“Unless he’s broken both his legs, Liam has been told he is going to watch his brother get married.”

Presumably watching his brother get married will involve belting out a rendition of Don’t Look Back In Anger at the reception karaoke with his back to the assembled crowd, shooting daggers at the top table.

Never mind! Look out your best circular sunglasses, give yourself a quick bowl cut, get your parka on and help hecklerspray celebrate this glorious reunion by throwing yourself off a bridge.

Stop! That’s enough! This has gone on long enough! The world is coming to an end next year and this is the best we can come up with? This is the pinnacle of human endeavour? The human race has been on this planet for so many years that to think about it in any great detail is enough to make anyone but the most eminent anthropologist’s brain burn but all of that might come to an end if those wacky Mayans are right.

Fair enough, the chances of that actually happening are slim but still. The human race has invented powered flight, television, the wheel, the idea of forcing others into poverty to expand your own bank balance, Victoria Sponge; not to mention the rest of the fantastic things that man has come up with.

We’ve all but wiped out certain diseases that used to kill people in their millions and fought wars against injustice and greed. That is what humans are. Inventive. War-like. Destructive, yes but bloody marvellous all the same.

However, imagine if you will: it’s 2012. The world has all but ended. Seas have risen and earthquakes have devastated most parts of the planet with only a few strongholds of humanity left alive, clinging on by their fingernails to the crust of an earth that they never thought would forsake them.

Imagine that you’re one of these people. The struggles of just living are becoming too much for those around you to bear. Food and water are running low as a result of the droughts that came before the tsunamis. The animals were washed away with everyone’s homes and valuables. Everything that you’ve ever needed or loved. Gone. Wiped out by the prophecy of a people who couldn’t even survive until the end of their calendar.

You’re devastated.

Everyone’s devastated.

The world is devastated.

With your last whisper of electricity, the last survivors of humanity decide to lift their spirits. One television, an invention of power that enthralled millions. One DVD player, a symbol of man’s constant struggle to improve on the existing innovations of their time. One DVD. A DVD means so much to so many. It can be a favourite film, a treasured family reel of a child in one of those little plastic cars going round and round in circles on a patio. It can remind us of simpler times, happier times.

So much is at stake, layered onto that tiny, shiny disc. It’s unmarked. It could be anything. Everyone is hoping for a landmark moment in film. They’re looking to the greats. Kubrick, Hitchcock, Spielberg, even a Mel Brooks film would cut it at this point. They’re praying to a God that they no longer worship that it’s not John Cusack’s 2012. No-one needs to see an apocalypse created with better CGI than the real one.

The disc slips into the player. A breathless silence falls over the huddled mass. The DVD starts.

It’s an advertising reel, designed for Ad Execs to put across their ideas to clients. Still. It could be a reel of the world’s greatest and most iconic adverts. That would remind them of the glorious world that had been torn away from in front of their very eyes.

It isn’t.

It’s this. An advertisement in which two jacket potatoes discuss having unprotected sex on a night out. It’s an advertisement where they then engage in a threesome with a bottle of juice drink after a series of lazy puns and weak chat-up lines. It’s an advertisement where regional accents are used to provide the comic relief in a style derived from 90s late-night television staple Eurotrash. It’s an advertisement where the tagline is used to imply both sexual promiscuity of the juice drink and the fact that it can be consumed with any meal regardless of what it is.

It’s an advertisement where TWO JACKET POTATOES GET FUCKED BY A BOTTLE.

Is this tripe what we want the human race’s legacy to be? These people who have created and recreated the world in their own image only to see it ripped away by an apocalypse which is, admittedly, unlikely to happen. Is it a risk that we as humans can afford to take? If this is indeed the pinnacle of human innovation then we might as well detonate the world’s nuclear weapon cache right now and solve all our problems for good.

Liam Gallagher is a man who has shown no mercy for absolutely anyone on Earth, including his own reflection. He’s tooted drugs, swilled special brew and had his teeth knocked out while swaggering around like a braying scally faecal hammock, ready to spout off about anything and everything.

Sadly, like most pigeon chested indie frontmen, he doesn’t even come close to having the talent to back up his ego, which invariably makes him all the more likeable or interesting as a pop culture case-study.

However, all that boorish bad boy nonsense could be a thing of the past because now, he’s into sardines and spirituality (which in fairness, sounds like an Oasis LP title).

That’s right! Liam is doing a Lindsay Lohan and sorting himself out! The Beady Eye frontman reckons that his hard living ways are behind him now, as he eyes up being a responsible adult ahead of his 40th birthday next year.

Now with added religion!

He said to a paper behind a paywall, so there’s no point linking to it:

“I’m a spiritual kinda guy. I’m not wearing a sheet and walking down the street banging a tambourine. And I’m not turning into fucking Bono. It’s private. But I’m connected, man. To something.”

“I’m older now. I don’t wanna grow up like a dick. I don’t want to get to 40 and embarrass my kids”

So what’s he up to now then, apart from being a stinkin’ hippie? Well, he’s acting like a stinkin’ hippie.

“It’s great. I run. World to myself. Birds. Trees. No hassle from idiots. With golf, I love making proper contact with that ball. I’m still on the fish. Sardines or salmon. Salad. I feel good. It’s only the cigarettes that really stand in me way.”

Jesus H. We think we preferred him when he was trying to kick the guts out of his shadow and squaring up to lampposts and that.

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If Japan hadn’t suffered enough, last night, they had a gig which featured Beady Eye, Paul Weller and Richard Ashcroft on their consciences too. Someone should do a further benefit gig for them to cope with this newest slop of news.

Even though the gig did a good thing by raising over £150,000 for the victims of the horrifying tsunami and earthquake, that doesn’t mean we should eschew our obligation to mock the collection of awful, awful feathered cod-mod haircuts that were on show.

Not to mention the terrible, plodding, faux-anthemic white boy rock peddled by a bunch of bloated blokes in bootcut jeans.

The assembled numskulls in Ben Sherman shirts whooped and hollered without giving much thought to Japan, rather, more concerned about getting 8 pints of Belgian lager in them as quickly as humanly possible, through a parade of po-faced stadium bloke hits.

The gig was orchestrated by Liam Gallagher and Weller who were really moved by the trouble in Japan, probably because Yoko Ono is from there or summat.

The Beatles featured heavily on this evening of well-intended turd rock with The Coral performing ‘Ticket To Ride’, Paul Weller teaming up with Stereophonics for a grisly take on ‘Come Together’ and Beady Eye closing the show with a vomit inducing ‘Across The Universe’.

In amongst the white men playing guitars were Graham Coxon playing his guitar, as well as Primal Scream playing their guitars.

Frontman Liam Gallagher, a chap notorious for his sympathy toward other humans, dedicated ‘Kill For A Dream’ to “all the people in Japan.” Presumably, it was the moving line of “these dark glasses need something to do” which swung it.

Not a dry gusset in the house etc etc

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Love or loathe him, you’ve got to give it to Liam Gallagher. If there was an award for “laziest person in music,” he’d win the much converted title hands down. All we need to do is look back at the singer’s time spent in Oasis. Well, we say Oasis, in actual fact, the band was nothing more than the workings of sibling Noel Gallagher who recruited some backing musicians and a singer to help him perfect songs and play live.

All Liam Gallagher did in Oasis was tell us “he was mad for it”, made the people of Manchester look like morons and when he didn’t have an album to promote, he’d start pointless arguments, usually making himself look like a prick.

Since Oasis split up, Liam Gallagher has pretty much done what we’ve just mentioned, randomly badmouthing his brother and acting like a tit. But could this all change? He’s since formed a band called Beady Eye which is essentially Oasis but without Noel Gallagher. We didn’t want to risk the wrath of PETA and the RSPCA by testing this album on animals, so we listened to it ourselves.

From the album’s name alone, we weren’t expecting much. Come on, it’s the sort of cod-pretentious stuff that a gathering of hipsters would froth over after sniffing a bottle of cider. Hacking and dissecting it to pieces, a group of bored students would think that “Different Gear, Still Speeding”, could relate to the time in one’s life when everything is bleak, but being positive can put make everything better before having a splurge on daddy’s credit card.

So what about the actual music? Surely we should mention that? Again, we didn’t try to have any preconceptions about the album, but it was difficult not to. Let’s face it, when Oasis released rubbish music ever since they knocked out Definitely Maybe, there was always a similar feel to them and no real sound evolution. It was always evident that they’d been sat around listening to The Beatles and The Rolling Stones just before laying down a butchered riff in the studio.

All they ever ended up producing were piss poor B-side sounding material that said bands wouldn’t even be proud of. Even Ringo Starr and he has no standards.

For Liam Gallagher to reinvent himself as some sort of electro glitch singer in the same vein as Thom Yorke, we weren’t holding our breath. That would require him to burst outside the wet paper bag style of music he’s singing along to for years. Gallagher would probably say something macho like. ‘Yeah man, I’m keeping it fucking real – y’know, guitars and shit. Computers are like fucking geek music, not real at all. Rock ‘n’ roll forever me.’

People don’t listen to albums straight through these days, so we hit shuffle and listened excitedly as the first track from the Beardy Face album came on. Kill For A Dream rolled round the speakers like some sort of delayed farting clap of thunder. The high pitched yelps of the guitar was true to the title’s meaning as the sonic waves of noise smashed us in the chest, leaving us gasping for air and emptying our thoughts. Powerful stuff indeed from the Gallagher brother who must have pricked his finger when stitching his overpriced clobber for Pretty Green. Evidently the inspiration for that particular track.

Dreams seem to be the reoccurring concept on this album as by pure chance, Wind Up Dream came on next. Slightly disappointing unfortunately as the cranky handle of a jack in the box can be heard before Liam Gallagher snarls, “hey you! Stupid! Whiney! Do ya wanna take the red or blue pill?”

This must have been demoed on a studio tech who panicked and swallowed the red escape pill. As you’d expect, the track is the shortest on the album, clocking in at forty three seconds.

It’s certainly a mixed bag from Beardy Lip as there are even a couple of cover versions on the album! Fans of Sonny & Cher will be thrilled to know that Gallagher and his band have had a crack at The Beat Goes On, giving an insight into some folk tinged jazz which is strangely toe-tapping stuff. Now if that hasn’t got you salivating from all areas of the body, you need to prepare yourself for the best cover version from Liam Gallagher’s band, Peter Beardsley’s Right Eye.

Wigwam might sound like an innocent song about the things native Americans sleep in, but in fact, it’s a tribute to Liam Gallagher’s favourite ever song, Wigwam Bam by Sweet. The original lyrics still make us smile and Gallagher has even put some effort in so he doesn’t sound like he’s singing with a blocked nose with tissue shoved up it. Manic stuff indeed and a fun upbeat way to end the album on.

You’ll be pleased to know that this was better than we expected it to be and Liam Gallagher has done everything from soul drenched blues rock to the using of door handles and vacuum cleaners. We’ll hold our hands up and say Breaded Eyesore have released an okay first album.

Bravo chaps!

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Ah, the Gallagher brothers have been quiet since Oasis split. This of course, has been an absolute godsend for everyone on Earth who isn’t related to the group. However, Liam has a new band and an awful clothing range to promote, so he’s decided to open and close his mouth.

So what’s he saying? Well, Liam is claiming to have heard most of Noel’s solo album. Is that because Noel sent him a CD of them?

Well, according to Liam, he’s heard them because Noel’s solo stuff were tracks taken from Oasis sessions.

Liam, still bowling around like the archetypal Manc prick, has spouted off about his sibling’s record, saying that he cut vocals for most of the songs which will feature on Noel’s upcoming record.

He spat:

“I’ve heard his fucking new record ‘cos I fucking sung on half of it. When I was in America for ‘Dig Out Your Soul’ he swiped some off because he obviously knew he wanted to do a solo album.

“So he can talk all the bullshit about, ‘Oh, I was intimidated,’ and all that. Fucking nonsense. Behave. He knows. The people know. And I know.”

The people? Who might they be? The 8 remaining humans who give a shit?

Liam added that he doesn’t give a hoot about Noel’s future projects, but does predict that his concerts will be dull.

“I haven’t spoken to him, I haven’t seen him. It’s very hush-hush round his camp. I put up with 18 years of that fucker so I’m not arsed with what he’s doing.

“I’m sure it will all be very civilised and grown-up. His gigs will be like those that you can really stroke your chin at. With four rent-a-Scousers wearing shell-suits.”

As opposed to overpriced pea-coats from Pretty Green?

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Many of your were keen to outpour your grief and disappointment when Liam Gallagher’s new band – Beady Eye – released their new single on the world. Chances are, you were hoping for something that sounded like Oasis and, sadly for Liam, it sounded more like Alvin Stardust.

However, that won’t stop you from carrying some hope that he’s got some decent tunes in his back pocket. Andy Bell was in Ride, and Ride were really great!

This means you might be interested in watching Beady Eye play some gigs, provided you’re willing to overlook just how shot Liam Gallagher’s voice has sounded for the past 5 years.

Tickets for the first ever Beady Eye tour go on sale this morning (November 26th) and this will be the chance for many to see just how Liam fares on his own and, quite possibly, enhance your reputation of Noel who managed to get this performing sealion of a man to sound as good as he did.

The full scale UK tour has been booked up and arranged, taking place in a three cities across the country – Glasgow, Manchester and London – tickets for the shows in March next year are now on sale. If you live in Birmingham or Northern Ireland, the message seems to be “tough tits”.

Lines open right now (10am), so start hitting refresh and furiously dialling numbers under the impression that these shows will sell out in seconds.

In fairness, they probably will thanks to Oasis’ fans curiosity over the project. Just don’t expect a rendition of Wonderwall at these gigs, okay? Click here for details and phone numbers.

Beady Eye have confirmed the following shows:

March
3 Glasgow Barrowland
4 Glasgow Barrowland
6 Manchester O2 Apollo
7 Manchester O2 Apollo
9 London Troxy
10 London Troxy

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When Oasis split up, many of us breathed a massive sigh of relief. They’ve been churning out toothless, thundering-pain-in-the-stomach rock for so long that it really did seem like they would fulfil Damon Albarn’s prophecy of becoming the new Status Quo.

However, they did the right thing and split up before one of the Gallagher brothers killed each other. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Of course, Liam has now formed Beady Eye, a band that imaginatively features the Oasis backing band put together by Noel. And their new single, ‘Bring The Light’, came out and thrilled as many as it confused. And now, there’s a promotional video to stare at.

The track itself, is clearly Liam digging into the vaults of John Lennon’s mind, this time, going toward Lennon’s obsession with Gene Vincent and Eddie Cochran (notably the latter, making a hash of ‘Somethin’ Else’).

However, this track does serve a purpose. It still retains a certain swagger that made everyone take notice of Oasis in the first place… a thing that is, even at its most irritating, is still more fun that watching mewing shagsacks like Florence and the Machine, Coldplay and Mumford and Sons all staring at their feet and meeeeaning it maaaaan.

And so, with OasisLite chugging through some ’50s-meets-’60s indierock, with a dash of added ‘Proud Mary’ Tina Turners in the background, they’ve got a video to show you and…

…you’ll probably hate it if you didn’t like Oasis in the first place and… well… if you did, Christ knows what you lot think. We haven’t got all day to try and work out whether you just like posturing singers or whether you genuinely are the thick-skulled hooligans you pass yourselves off to be when you go down the indie disco with a liver full of Stella.

Here’s Beady Eye’s new video.

It’s a good thing that Oasis split-up. This is because, should the band have continued, Liam or Noel Gallagher would have probably killed each other, which would have meant a reappraisal of Oasis’ back catalogue and dreadful, sycophantic mewings over just how ‘great’ they were.

Instead of becoming rock martyrs, they’ve been left to shuffle around some pub-rock world for thick-headed simpletons to thrill over each misguided swagger and V-sign.

However, the music won’t stop as Liam Gallagher and his new band Beady Eye are releasing their first single ‘Bring the Light’ as a free download.

That’s right – following in the footsteps of Radiohead and others (loads of others in fact – Radiohead are far from the first band to give their music away, however, they are a handy shorthand example of a band who did), Liam will be giving his new single away for free.

If you’re daft enough to care, the song will be available from 10.00am (GMT) or, if you’re American, 5.00am (ET) on their website www.beadyeyemusic.com on Wednesday, November 10, while the album, which was recorded over the summer, will hit stores in 2011.

To clarify, the single is given away for free, tomorrow. Okay? Got that thickos? Good.

Liam has, of course, joined forces with former Oasis bandmates Gem Archer (formerly of Heavy Stereo), Andy Bell (of the formerly brilliant Ride) and Chris Sharrock (a million bands).

And, to give you a sneak peak, here’s a video of the new band with a riff playing over it which could well be a snippet of the new single.

We just don’t know or care enough to find out.

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