Hey! Do you fancy Angelina Jolie? Apart from the way she looks and pouts, you probably think she’s pretty edgy and different to all the other celebrities. She isn’t. She’s got pregnant, just like the rest of the bores.

That’s right! She’s got a thing growing inside her! Seen her supping cans of super strength beer recently? That’s because she’s preggo.

And it has been coming a while now. Brad Pitt and Jolie have been dropping hints about wanting to add to their tedious brood, and everyone thought they were oh-so-clever for joking that they’d probably steal an orphan from Africa. Alas, not. They’ve been having sex without a condom on and now she’s going to grow her own.

A source close to Jolie, no longer a weirdo, has revealed that Angelina is expecting her seventh child and telling friends she can’t wait to play mom again.

The source says:

“She’s almost three months along. It’s not something she wants to officially announce but she’s at a point where she is telling a select group of people.”

Regrettably, one of the select few has gone and blabbed to a motormouth and they’ve told us, who can’t keep a secret to save our lives (apart from those secrets we have which have injunctions on them, which is really, really irritating).

Adds an insider:

“Angelina is really savoring every moment. she’s having a tough time with morning sickness but says it’s all worth it.”

Apparently, Ange has said this as well, though christ knows when and where:

“I love being pregnant. You feel like more like a woman than you’ve ever felt. You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby.”

There you have it folks! Want to feel like a woman? Don’t listen to Shania Twain’s ‘Man! I Feel Like A Woman’, but rather, adopt a parasite.

Palaeolithic megastar Madonna says she wonders what it would be like to be truly ‘loved’. By ‘truly loved’ she doesn’t mean by her legion of overly-loyal fans but by someone with something to lose.

The 53-year-old’s sudden interest in love and human emotion comes as she is marketing her new directorial outing ‘W.E.’ and is not in any way a cynical attempt to garner some headlines for a film that has flown pretty much under the radar up until now.

It’s very important to remember that. These are deep, meaningful emotions from a deep and meaningful woman.

Ms. Ciccone directed and co-wrote the film which chronicles Edward VIII’s romance with American divorcee Wallis Simpson for whom he abdicated the throne in 1936, leaving the far more successful screen king George VI to take over. Thank God he did otherwise Colin Firth might have a significantly smaller trophy cabinet right now.

Still, Madonna is more interested in the pair’s deep love affair, rather than the widely negative reviews that the film has been garnering.

“When she says ‘I wonder what it was like to have been loved that much?’ I think I probably said that to myself.”

Madonna need only read the comments on any of our articles about her to know how much she is loved by a mindless shower of keyboard-mashing imbeciles but she goes on to say;

“Men want power and they will kill to have it. If you look back in history, how many wars have been waged to win the throne? And here’s a man who walked away from that for love. And so for a romantic like me, I would say: ‘Wow, to be loved like that!’ And Wally feels the same way – she wants to be loved like that.”

Poor Madonna doesn’t seem to be getting an adequate level of adoration from her dancer boyfriend. We’re not going to do that ‘gossip writing’ trick of saying how old he is to imply that she’s a cradle snatcher by the way. That’s not who we are. We’ll just say it. He’s 30 years her junior. It’s approaching a Hugh Hefner level of creepiness, that one.

Anyway, Madonna has great respect for the power that King Edward (latterly the Duke of Windsor) gave up to be with Ms Simpson. The star identifies with his actions.

“What Edward gave up was huge, monumental, but I also don’t think that he realised that when he abdicated he was never going to be allowed to come back into the country. I’ve been asked many times if I would give up everything for love. And I think it’s important to understand that with love, and in all relationships, you have to give up something.”

Like a country. Or a career. Or, in the case of her divorce from Guy Ritchie, someone to tell her that her new film was shit. Thankfully though, she didn’t give up on her dream and her negatively reviewed new film W.E. opens in cinemas on Friday. After all, the interview wasn’t done so that she could pour her heart out to the Radio Times, was it?

Yes, we know what you’re thinking and stop looking at us like that. You’re one of those Star Wars nerds that hate everything to do with the franchise after 1982, aren’t you? You don’t have any time for Ewoks or Gungans or modern, snazzy computer graphics. You want to watch monsters that move like they’re on rails and Anthony Daniels hamming it up without any interference from the modern world.

You know what? That’s fine.

Pretty much everything to do with Star Wars after ‘The Empire Strikes Back‘ (and maybe ‘Return of the Jedi’) was such a pile of complete dross that it’s enough to make Michael Winner consider re-releasing some of his films updated to HD. Those of you who groaned at the first appearance of the shambling Jar-Jar Binks would have found yourselves doubled over in agony by the time The Clone Wars hit TV screens.

Up until recently, The Clone Wars was all that any Star Wars fan had to give them an indication of what a TV series might be like and guess what: it was crap. It felt like a marketing tie-in designed to transmogrify character models so that Lucasarts could flog more toys to kids that had grown up at a time where Star Wars had become a laughing stock. Of course, as with all of Lucas’ cunning marketing ploys; it worked.

In the first decade of the new millenium, Sci-Fi fans saw its traditional rival ‘Star Trek‘ as the “cooler” option. Sure, a reboot by JJ Abrams is enough to help out any ailing franchise but Star Wars fans were left wondering what was to become of the franchise that reinvented Science Fiction in the 70s’. Would they get a cool reboot designed for the digital age or would George Lucas continually update and adapt the original trilogy until he had eventually replaced the leading cast with computer generated facsimiles of Shia LaBoeuf?

That disturbing image of a future where everyone looks like Shia LaBoeuf brings us back to The Clone Wars. It has long been mooted that the next step for the franchise was onto the small screen and it was understood that scripts were already in place to create a series set between Episode III: The Last Rubbish One & Episode IV: The First Good One. Nothing more was revealed and forums began to melt under the burning loins of fans’ expectations but at long last, producer Rick McCallum has revealed the name and the over-riding theme of the show to IGN.

Star Wars: Underworld

We hear your sharp, sexually excited intake of breath and we applaud you for it. Far from being another kid-orientated romp with all the familiar characters, McCallum & co want to delve into the murky underbelly of Galactic Society. We’re talking gangs, Imperial raids and, perhaps most importantly Bounty Hunters.

Suddenly the idea of a live action Star Wars TV series has merit. Could the main character be the man that has become synonymous with all that was cool about the Star Wars Universe, Boba Fett? Well frankly, you’d bloody hope so, wouldn’t you?

Still, don’t get your hopes up. Despite negotiations being ongoing, the series is still mired in budgetary wranglings. Supposedly it’s quite hard to make something look like Star Wars for $5million per episode. On the off chance that this might actually be good, why don’t we all have a whip-round? hecklerspray can exclusively reveal that we’re willing to offer 20 pence to Mr McCallum to help fund the pilot episode. We can’t say fairer than that.

So, a gritty, grown-up Star Wars series may be another decade away but isn’t something with a bit of sci-fi credibility worth waiting for? We’ll be here watching and waiting and hoping that we don’t end up taking the blame for it being awful.

Wannabe Funeral Director and collector of used plasters Angelina Jolie,  has revealed that she dreads the day one of her 87 children asks to be excused from the family’s global travels, insisting she will break down in tears when it happens.

It seems Jolie and husband Brad Pitt, pride themselves on their nomadic lifestyle, settling for a few weeks at a time wherever their work takes them.

What’s that we hear you crying stupidly loudly? CHILDREN NEED ROUTINE! A STABLE ENVIRONMENT AND CONSISTENCY! What the hell do you know?

However, you may be correct as even Jolie knows that one day her children will want to live in one place and she can’t bear the thought of leaving one behind.

That’s right. SHE’D STILL BUGGER OFF ON HER ADVENTURES, WITHOUT OR WITHOUT THE FREE THINKING INGRATE.

She stopped doodling in blood on her wedding dress long enough to say:

“Right now they love it. If we’re in the same place for two months they wanna know why we’re not getting on an airplane. They really love to travel….Beacuse they’re such a big travelling pack….it’s not one child moving around the world and missing friends, there’s so many of them they have constant play dates and are always together…

“But I’m sure they’re gonna say: ‘Mum, let me stay home’ and when that happens I’m gonna cry…I don’t want to settle, I love travelling, but we’ll see.

We’re sure they’re going to say:

“HOLY FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC MUM!, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH UNCLE JAMES???”

She joked:

“They’ll probably end up living all around the world and my old age will be Brad and I travelling, trying to visit all our grandchildren in random countries.”

Brad was not available for comment, except to say that Jennifer Aniston is boring.

Doctor Who has always been a quirkfest, with machines that don’t work properly, stupidly long scarves, baddies that look like bits of tinfoil and something preposterously called ‘a sonic screwdriver’.

Really, The Doctor is, of all the heroes, the most nauseatingly twee. He’ll be playing a bloody ukulele next. A sonic ukulele no doubt.

Anyway, thank frig the Americans have shown up to save this sorry franchise with some razzle and dazzle. That’s right! America will be getting their hands on Doctor Who and making the explosions bigger, the Doctor more handsome, throwing in a sex scene or two and making him have a proper spaceship as opposed to a stupid telephone box. WHO EVEN USES TELEPHONE BOXES ANYMORE? HAVEN’T THE WRITERS HEARD OF MOBILE PHONES?

Apparently, the Time Lord will be Tinselised by Harry Potter director David Yates who is planning to build a movie franchise around the Dr. Who series.

Harry Potter? That was stupid tweedery as well! But fear not!

Yates says:

“We’re looking at writers now. We’re going to spend two to three years to get it right. It needs quite a radical transformation to take it into the bigger arena.”

A radical transformation! No we’re talking!

Let us hope that K-9 ends up looking like Mechagodzilla, the Tardis ends up looking like an X Wing Fighter, only with bigger guns and that all of the Time Lord’s stupid magic wands are replaced by an arsenal that would make this guy blush…

Basically, the above clip is what the Doctor Who movie should really be aiming for. Fine, fine, fine, the Doctor can still be a super-intelligent humanoid alien who travels through time being sarcastic to everyone, but lets get someone who looks like they could punch a giant hole in a truck!

Matt Smith is not that man. This is the role where Arnold Schwarzenegger can make his Hollywood comeback! It’s perfect! MAKE THIS HAPPEN HOLLYWOOD!

And we don’t have to worry about existing storylines and the like because Yates has promised that he’ll be ‘starting from scratch’.

We might even get some decent baddies too! DALEKS THAT DON’T NEED A DISABILITY RAMP TO GET UPSTAIRS! Oh man, Hollywood. You’re brilliant.

Like World War II, they have come to save our bacon once again!

(Keep Karen Gillan in though, eh?)

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Hecklerspray is known for not really liking anything but when it comes to fuzzy-wuzzy, cuddly, comedic characters- we’re all over it. So you can imagine our delight when we realised that the new Muppets film draws ever closer.

The Muppets is going to be wonderful. Even if it’s the worst film ever made by human hands, it will still be wonderful, such is the strength of feeling and nostalgia for Jim Henson’s creation. That’s the kind of film that people want to see.

Admittedly, the film company seems to think that those of us in the UK want to wait three months before we see the film in cinemas but you can’t have everything.

So without much further ado. Why don’t you brighten up your Friday by taking a look at some sneak peeks of the new Muppets movie?

SONGS!

THE DESPERATE NEED FOR A CELEBRITY HOST!

ELECTROCUTION!

80s’ Movie Robots!

How can you not be excited?

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Are you one of these people who hates their mother-in-law? Good. You probably deserve it for picking such a lousy partner in the first place. Seriously. What were you thinking? Were you that desperate for a ride?

Anyhoo, one person who has had bother with their other-half’s mum is Angelina Jolie. It’s fair to say she’s not desperate for a shag. She could pretty much shag anyone she wanted.

Jolie hasn’t seen eye-to-eye with Brad Pitt’s mother because Brad Pitt’s mother is an overbearing weapon who likes sticking her oar in. Of course, Jolie is an opinionated, jealous lunatic, so it wasn’t ever going to be pretty.

Well, it appears that the feuding pair have called a truce and now, Angelina and Jane Pitt are acting like adults. Nice adults. Not those fighting adults.

Six long years these tits have been at it!

Why? Well, Jane, reportedly criticised Angelina’s mothering skills when she threw some kind of dreary children’s party for those babies they stole from some undernourished country. That ‘degenerated into a bitter showdown’.

Sources told NOW magazine:

“Ever since Brad got together with Angie, her poor relationship with his mom has been hanging over them like a dark cloud.”

They continued:

“Jane adored Jen and was devastated when Brad left her for Ange. It didn’t help that Ange’s attitude was pretty much: ‘Hey, if you don’t like me, I don’t care. I am who I am – just deal with it.’ “

You can picture her saying it can’t you? Puce faced, tight-lipped sneering mother glaring at faux-sass indignant Hollywood bozo stood beside a greying Brad Pitt who wishes they’d both just piss off.

At least they’re all playing nice though, eh?

BUT NO-ONE CARES! EVEN US WHO ARE WRITING THIS GODAWFUL ARTICLE. WILL YOU EVER FORGIVE US FOR WASTING YOUR STINKING TIME?

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Ever looked at David Gest and wondered if he keeps his face in position with a large bulldog clip like Kent Brockman from The Simpsons? If so, when he takes it off, does his head look like a hot scrotum?

Either way, Gest seems like a decent enough bloke for someone who has been ravaged by the entertainment industry and mental enough to marry Liza Minnelli while she was in her Aged Alcoholic role (according to Gest himself at least).

And now that the reality TV shows have dried up, Gest thought it would be a good idea to make a film about Michael Jackson, a man who shared the same plastic surgeon with David… which explains why they both look so very, very odd.

Apparently, the new film about Michael – which has made its premiere in London – will “set the story straight” about the pop cadaver.

At the showing, unsurprisingly, loads of insane Michael Jackson fans stopped Moonwalking For Justice from the Conrad ‘Sexy’ Murray trial, to show up in fancy dress. Honestly. What is it with Jacko fans wanting to dress up like him all the time?

Half the time, these kids just look like Roswell aliens in half mast trousers. Put them all together, and their “HEE!” and groin grabs makes you think you’re stuck in a chimp enclosure.

ANYWAY.

Gest said of the film Michael Jackson: The Life of an Icon:

“I woke up one morning and said I’m going to make a movie about Michael’s life because I was tired of reading all this crap about him, all these tales that were so fictitious, and I thought let’s set the story straight but let’s give the people a movie that says something new. Not the same rehash, the same moves and that’s what I did.”

Sycophantic garbage then?

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Brad Pitt smokes. That’s because smoking is cool. Disagree? Let’s put it this way – there’s millions of women and men who would not think twice about cheating on you, with him. That’s because he’s cool. Much, much cooler than you.

Of course, everytime anyone lights up a cigarette, there’s hoards of people ready to leap out and say “YOU SMOKE I CHOKE! YOU SMOKE I CHOKE!“, but they slope off to their sterile houses, alone. Wankless. Reheated pasta bake. Sighing at a documentary on Radio 4.

Either way, Brad Pitt is a smoker and his children are giving him a hard time, despite the fact he’s a) Providing for them in a way that they should be eternally grateful for and b) much harder than then, so they should shut their damn mouths because he could TOTALLY have them in a fight.

Apparently, Pitt The Smoulder was found at the bottom of his garden, among the birds and the bees, smoking a fag. Y’know? Minding his own business and whatnot.

Then, he’s daughters Shiloh and Zahara caught him at it.

Some source says to some paper:

“They followed him outside and caught him puffing away.”

“They couldn’t believe it as he’s always said smoking’s bad for you.”

So is being called Zahara. Wait ’til the school bullies get a load of that! Anyway, Pitt feels all guilty and so is trying to knock the smokes on the head.

In the past, he’s tried hypnotherapy, nicotine mints and sweets to stop his cravings… but alas, not one of them is as cool as smoking.

How else do you punctuate the moment after you’ve just had your third round of sex with Angelina Jolie? Tap her on the arse with celery, fart and roll over to sleep?

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Films, eh? Who doesn’t love a good film? Earlier today, we told you about Warner Bros. plan to remake Point Break, making it everyone’s least anticipated film of 2014. However, films have started competing with each other which makes everything so much more exciting! Especially when the respective casts both hate one another.

Luckily, the casts of the two competing Snow White movies have been trading barbed remarks like they’re pogs since the two alarmingly similar films were announced. Lily Collins, star of The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, has hit out at Kristen Stewart, claiming the Twlight star will be “perfect” as Snow White and is looking forward to seeing the two versions of the classic fairytale.

Oooh, what a bit- aw, wait. Hang on a minute.

Yes, that’s right folks. The cast members of Snow Whites: Lust For Teenage Money are all copping off with each other and fondling their private parts during press conferences. Collins, who is working on Tarsem Singh’s rival version of the Snow White story (said to be much more gritty, containing less Dwarves and more SS Stormtroopers), has praised the Twilight star’s casting in Rupert Sanders’ Snow White & The Huntsman.

In an interview with Teen Vogue, Collins seemed convinced people would see both versions of the fairytale, making sure that they’re still in line for a big pay cheque from people who don’t quite understand the fact that having two

“I think the audience may very well enjoy seeing two different versions and I think that Kristen is perfect for hers.”

The actress also had praise for her boyfriend and co-star in action ‘epic’ Abduction, Taylor Lautner, who recently said he was ‘rooting’ for both actress’ in the role of Snow White. She said, while stifling her giggles with a $100 bill;

“He’s a very funny, down-to-earth young man.”

Tarsem Singh’s The Brothers Grimm: Snow White will be released March 16, 2012 and it is widely expected that limited ‘bumper’ tickets will be available for both films costing only three times the price of a standard ticket. Two shit films for the price of three. Who could say fairer than that?

Needless to say, this incessant circle-jerkery will continue up until the release date of both films as both production companies try desperately to squeeze as much money out of the two projects as they possibly can by spewing out cross-pollinated marketing into the waiting mouths of teenagers with disposable income.

Still, will Kristen Stewart be ‘perfect’ in the role of Snow White? Well, an emotionless girl who is completely nonplussed by having an evil stepmother, magical dwarf pals and a personality vacuum for a boyfriend? You tell us…

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Angelina Jolie is quite often at the front of charitable causes, giving us the plead-eye so we give our scant pennies to whatever plight she’s decided to pose before. It’s all very fulfilling being Brad Pitt’s other half.

And while she works for the UN and pouts at starving children, she also likes to blow loads of money on tat.

While visiting a shop in London, the actress forked out £1,300 in 15 minutes. Probably on clothes made by infant hands in sweatshops.

All the suffering and hurt in the world weighed heavy on her shoulders as she quickly flicked through the racks, splashing out a admin monkey’s monthly wage on a number of pieces, including a mustard camisole, whatever the shit that is.

As well as worrying about the poor and needy, she was flanked by her stolen children, a bodyguard and personal assistant to help her carry the bags to her expensive car.

How wretched Jolie’s existence is.

And she’s not getting married. Nosiree. Jolie told Vanity Fair this week that she was not planning a secret wedding or anything like that, adding:

‘I’m not pregnant. I’m not adopting at the moment.’

She’s far too busy acting like Bono for any of that nonsense.

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Hello, heckler tits.

We’ve had a few technical problems today which will no doubt have left you clamouring for your sarcy gossip fix. Have no fear! We’ll be back tomorrow, trying to explain away the link between Justin Bieber, Hayley Duff and a small tabby cat called mittens.

We’ll have ‘Creased or Folded?’, this week’s Badvertising as well as a terrifying glimpse into the dark and sinister depths of Kim Kardashian’s reproductive organs. How could you not be excited about that?

We’ll also have your letters, so there’s plenty of time to fill our inbox with your affected dribblings.

When E4 had eventually grown tired of showing endless repeats of Friends and Scrubs, the channel eventually spat out its own unique programming, aimed at the sort of person that hecklerspray writers aren’t; the young, the cool, the hip and the trendy. Arseholes, basically.

On one end of the spectrum, there was Skins, a programme which captured everyone’s dream college lifestyle, in a show which frequently used drugs, booze and sex, but portrayed them in the most extreme way to great effect.

Skins was escapism for most whilst The Inbetweeners offered a firmer dose of reality, especially for hormonal teenage boys. These are the sort of people who couldn’t quite make that move from fingering a girl to using an empty packet of Space Raiders as a makeshift condom when that first awkward sexual experience arrived.

The show has, like many of its Channel 4 predecessors, made the leap from small screen to the cinema, or a dodgy DVD off someone in the pub. The Inbetweeners Movie has broken UK box office records, even though it feels like a watered down version of the TV series.

We don’t have a total feeling of hate towards The Inbetweeners. If anything we truly admire something that was able to last an impressive three series, despite having the same jokes more or less each week. Whether they’d be about Will’s mum, mocking Jay’s supposed conquests, alternative words for the female lady garden or generally being rejected by women when a vague opportunity arose.

After series three finished, it almost seemed like the natural place to finish. For once, a TV show wasn’t going to finish with flashbacks, somebody waking up in the shower or a gathering of ninjas bursting into kill everyone. Instead, the main characters went on a camping trip following on from taking their A-Levels. As per real life, this is the time that most people take their first independent holiday abroad and this is where The Inbetweeners film takes us.

In a nutshell, the film goes along these lines of all four characters going to Magaluf one of them keeps on seeing an old flame, four new women enter the scene, they all fall in love and make a mess of it, all before patching things up at the end. Suffice to say, it’s a run of the mill plot which could be applied to any situation in life, such as moving to a new city or starting a job, all be it with minor script changes.

Sitcoms like The Inbetweeners always do well as people incessantly latch onto and copy the catchphrases. These are the same people who delight in posting the term “lol” on your Facebook status. Choice highlights from the TV show include “bus wanker”, “clunge” and mocking anyone who says the word “friend” in a tone similar to someone who’s just experienced a stroke.

In this movie however, there doesn’t seem to be any memorable moments that stick in the memory once you’ve left the cinema. Of course there are moments of humour but based around a lad’s holiday abroad, most people have been there and done it, making the viewing experience nothing out of the ordinary. Erratic drunken behaviour and unexpected surprises? Not particularly groundbreaking or imaginative.

But the people of Britain have flocked to the flicks, catapulting it in to the record books for a UK comedy. Whilst the movie industry will be celebrating high visitor numbers, we’re sure that pissed off cinema staff won’t be happy when they have to clean up spilt drinks and thrown snacks after pack screenings finish. Unless you’re a cinema buff, you probably won’t know this little snippet:

“Between Wednesday and Sunday The Inbetweeners Movie took £13.2m, putting it comfortably on top of the UK and Ireland box office chart. Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason held the previous record for highest opening by a UK comedy. According to the producers of The Inbetweeners Movie, that film took £10.4m in its first weekend in 2004.”

If movies based on real life experiences are going down a treat at the box office, then we’ll be working on a script over the next few months in which three people have an awkward conversation in a launderette. Eventually, one of them will realise that they’ve mixed their colours with their whites… with hilarious consequences.

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In further evidence that the world has entirely lost it’s mind, the actress Angelina Jolie – who plays make-believe for a living – was last night awarded the Heart of Sarajevo purportedly for her “active engagement in the complexities of the real world”.

As the Cyborg 2 star tearfully accepted the award, the rest of the world was reminded of the moment the satirist Tom Lehrer resigned after Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize at the height of the Vietnam War, claiming that satire had just become obsolete.

Applauding Hollywood’s most high-profile blood-vial wearing nut-job for her grasp of “the complexities of the real world” is like applauding a toddler for its grasp of the complexities of nuclear fission. Her own father claimed she had “serious mental problems” for God’s sake.

The Kung Fu Panda star attended her first wedding in black rubber pants and a white T-shirt, upon which she had written the groom’s name in her blood, claimed she almost hired a hitman to kill him, and was sectioned for three days at UCLA’s psychiatric ward shortly before marrying Billy Bob Thornton.

BILLY BOB THORNTON.

If the Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow star lived round our estate she’d rightly be a social pariah, not have people queuing up to pin awards on her crazy-ass self.

Anyway, apparently she’s made some film about how it’s, like, a bit grim and that in Bosnia, and they’re all chuffed about it. Which is news to the rest of the world who – prior to Jolie’s selfless intervention – thought that the whole country was like a sort of giant Center Parcs or something.

We’re with Tom Lehrer on this one.

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2011 appears to be the year of the big budget comic book movie. When it comes to adaptations of graphic novels, we’re being spoiled rotten right now.

Marvel’s first avenger, Captain America has just hit cinemas worldwide, Green Lantern… well, it happened didn’t it… and we’ve been given 3 brand spanking new teaser trailers to salivate over.

New offerings from Batman, Spiderman and The Avengers may well be due soon, but one hero currently not donning his tightest pants in preparation to be thrust back into the spotlight like some weird pervert is Superman.

But fear not earthlings! It turns out there is some new Superman footage to get you all wheezy and out of breath. Well, it’s not actually new, it’s pretty old, but it hasn’t been seen before, so it’s like new.

A deleted scene from the last installment of the Superman movie franchise, the fantastically woeful Superman Returns, has been unearthed.

The $10million scene shows Supes flying in some sort of Dr. Manhattanesque giant crystal spaceship to his desolate home planet of Krypton, before crying like a little bitch and deciding it’s probably worth going back to Earth.

Visually the scene is fairly impressive, however at 6 minutes long with minimal action or sound it is incredibly tedious. The fact that this scene was so tedious that it was deleted from one of the most tedious movies in recent history should tell you all you need to know about it really.

There are a few things that puzzle us though. Why the hell is The Man of Steel flying a spaceship, he’s able to fly through space without any real problems, what makes this ship so special?

Also, wasn’t Krypton destroyed? It seems to be in fairly good nick when our hero arrives, admittedly it is barren and everyone is probably dead, but we’ll overlook that fact because it’s depressing and goes against our, ‘it seems to be in fairly good nick,’ theory that was outlined at the start of this paragraph.

Anyway, if you just couldn’t get enough of Superman Returns, then you have a problem and we here at hecklerspray suggest you get help, quickly.

For the rest of you, point your peepers at the video below to see how spending $10million on 6 minutes doesn’t always guarantee a good time.