After he made millions with Indiana Jones 1, he sat down for a while, thought about what to do next and came up with Indiana Jones 2. It worked. But what next? He sat down for a while, thought about what to do next and came up with Indiana Jones 3. Incredible.

How was he to beat that? It wasn’t easy. For twenty years he brooded, furrowing his brow and scratching his little beard, and finally his eureka moment came: Indiana Jones 4.

But, people asked, what about the fact that Indiana Jones will be far too old? Don’t worry, said George, if we make jokey references to it throughout the film no one will care. Wow, he’s good. What next? George says ‘how about Indiana Jones…5, with Shia Labeouf as the lead?’

Time to retire George.

Old man Lucas doesn’t scoff though. He told Fox News:

I haven’t even told Steven or Harrison this, but I have an idea to make Shia the lead character next time and have Harrison come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out.

Before we jump to the conclusion that the corrupting culmination of his success, wealth and age is turning George prematurely senile, it is worth remembering that he is also responsible for the casting of Jar Jar Binks.

Rumours suggest Shia LaBeouf has stipulations in his contract which lock him into a sequel/spin-off if Paramount want to make one, and Shia (a distant cousin of French footballer Frank LeBeouf) told MTV he would be interested:

I don’t think a Mutt spinoff would be as big as Indiana Jones, but fingers crossed!

Mutt Williams and the Temple of Doom. Mutt Williams and the Last Crusade. Mutt Williams and Another Piss-Poor Offering from Lucas and Spielberg That Makes Us All Wish They’d Retire. He’s right – probably wouldn’t be as big as Indiana Jones.

But what about Harrison Ford – won’t he be dead by then? Not so, according to Lucas:

It’s not like Harrison is even old, I mean, he’s 65 and he did everything in this movie. The old chemistry is there, and it’s not like he’s an old man. He’s incredibly agile; he looks even better than he did 20 years ago, if you ask me.

Harrison himself has said he’d consider playing a part should the fifth installment happen, and even Steven Spielberg won’t rule it out. Ages ago he told the Chicago Sun Times:

Oh, I don’t know. Of course, I said the third Indy would be the last one. And obviously it’s not. So I can’t even comment whether the fourth will be the last one or not. I’m not looking to redesign the wheel. I just want to continue the saga.

Bless him. We bet for a moment there he thought back to the days when selling out on his principles seemed a cheap thing to do.

Read More – George Lucas: Indiana Jones 5 a possibility, The Celebrity Truth

After weeks of carefully sifting through piles of rubbish, they came across a fossil that they saw as another useless dinosaur, but wait! It’s not just a useless dinosaur; it’s a useless dinosaur with an earring! It must be Harrison Ford. The discovery was confirmed by the presence of a frail skeleton next to the fossil that was classified as ‘the old dinosaur’s girlfriend, Calista Flockhart’.

All of this excitement has prompted the American Archaeological Society to put Harrison Ford on the board of directors. So, we may be a bit fuzzy on the details, but the board of directors thing is for reals.

Seriously, though, apparently the real reason the American Archaeological Society is putting Harrison Ford on the board of directors is because of all the made up fantasy archaeological work Harry Ford has done as the character Indiana Jones.

And by archaeological we mean getting jiggy with buxom blonde undercover Nazi scientists, and by work we mean George Lucas giving him a script to memorise and an adventuresome-looking hat to wear. Oh, and there’s the whip too. One mustn’t forget the whip.

Anyway, the society is grateful to Harrison Ford for raising interest in the field of archeology. Ok! magazine reports:

“President Brian Rose praised Ford’s contribution on Thursday, saying his Indiana Jones character has played a major part in boosting interest in archaeological exploration”.

That’s right. Because of Harry/Indiana, history nerds have emerged by the dozens from library basements across the land with dreams of wild adventures and swooning ladies, only to find themselves developing hunchbacks from crouching over endless piles of dust in the sweltering desert heat, dusting off rocks with little brushes.

It’s an odd thing when someone receives an honour such as a board of directors position just for pretending to be someone who vaguely represents what they do, isn’t it.

Next up is Vin Diesel, who will be honored by the National Au Pair and Childcare Society for his portrayal of a nanny in The Pacifier, which has increased interest in high ranking military personnel who take on the role of babysitter by an astounding degree.

Read more:

Harrison Ford is a Real Life Indiana Jones - OK