Articles tagged with: boobs
Let's talk about boobs, baby. Let's drag up a story from 25th February and blame Fearne Cotton. Let's use the words Holly Willoughby, cleavage and nipples in the intro because it will get us more hits.
Back in 2004, Holly Willoughby was working as a children's TV presenter. During a live broadcast for morning noise-fest Ministry Of Mayhem her breasts wobbled out of her top for all the kids to see and applaud. Fast forward four years and she very nearly repeats the incident on ITV1's flagship reality show Dancing on Ice - only this time with added middle-aged men wanking into a frenzy.
OMG guys, OMG!!!! OK, let’s all calm down. We know it’s hard! (No pun intended – OMG – we actually did intend that pun!! OMG what are we like!?!?) But let’s all take a breather and compose ourselves.
Tits!! Sorry.
Tits. Sex! TITS SEX TITS BOOBS! No! Really sorry guys!
OK. Phew.
Right, we really have calmed down now. Sorry about all that but, taking it as read that you, dear reader, are human and are aware of the potent brain retarding powers of the sexual image, then you can no doubt fully empathise with hecklerspray’s frat boy like reaction to the extraordinary nipple sighting of one of Britain’s most respected authors, Katie Price, at her latest book launch.
There's no way of politely putting this, so we'll just go ahead and say it - Dolly Parton's breasts are pure evil.
Alright, maybe pure evil is a bit of an overstatement - it's not like they're responsible for more than maybe five or six global atrocities - but you can't deny that Dolly Parton's breasts are a right old couple of bastards.
Why? Because Dolly Parton's boobs are so big that they've knackered her back and forced her to cancel an entire tour. Where are we supposed to get our fix of ancient, massive-boobed, rootin'-tootin' country and western music now? Keith Urban?
Now, we know what you're thinking - why would a girl as chaste and innocent and shy as Paris Hilton get her boobs out in a nightclub?
And the answer is, we just don't know. But still, Paris Hilton did in fact accidentally get her boobs out in a Boston nightclub just after being made Woman Of The Year by the Harvard Lampoon. Poor Paris must have been mortified to fall out of her dress in front of all those people.
But fortunately Paris Hilton was performing Stars Are Blind at the time, so at least nobody noticed her indiscretion because they were all too busy vomiting and screaming in pain and bleeding out of all the holes in their faces.
Sure you do - she was the winner of Celebrity Big Brother a couple of years ago, back when people actually watched it and the show wasn't relegated to E4 with an audience consisting entirely of Dermot O' Leary's mother (who only tuned in out of a sense of grim, WW2-like duty).
Well, brace yourselves. Bet you all thought that Chantelle's naturally graceful poise and beauty was just the result of superior breeding, didn't you? Bet you wept tears of jealousy knowing that a mere mortal like yourself could never attain such heights of genetic perfection? Fear not, children. It turns out that your bitter, fuming, stranger-stabbing envy was completely unfounded.
Chantelle, you see - and a number of other pointless oxygen-thieving 'celebrities' - have apparently been treating themselves to a bit of discount plastic surgery every now and then.
We love it as much as we love watching The Notebook. In a sauna. Wearing a parka. And burlap underwear.
And if there’s anything we love more than American Idol, it's following past American Idol contestants on their road to guaranteed fame and fortune.Take Carrie Underwood for example. She’s twanged her melodies all the way to the top of the country music world, and it isn’t because she’s worked that midriff or had unclassy cleavage, either, because girlfriend says she isn’t into showing a lot of skin.
You see, kids? You don’t need to know that Europe is a continent, not a country to be successful. Just have classy cleavage and you’re golden.
