God isn’t having a good time of it lately. His representatives on Earth aren’t doing It any favours. Of course, God Itself is a spiteful, vengeful chump anyway and made man in Its own image, so It only has Itself to blame.
Going after the Almighty is Susan Sarandon. Of course, you can’t kick God in the shins so you have to pick on the next best thing… and that happens to be Pope Benedict: The Godwaffe.
Discussing her role in Dead Man, which saw her sending a copy to The Pope, she was asked ‘which pope?’ That’s when the Catholics got jumpy and started muttering ‘You wouldn’t get people talking about Muslims like that… it’s so unfair.’ Maybe if you started flying planes into buildings, we might be a little more scared of pointing out how mental some of you are, eh?
So. To the ‘which Pope’ question, Sarandon answered:
“The last one. Not this Nazi one we have now.”
Of course, Pope Benedict spent time as a member of the Hitler Youth. Naturally, it’s worth pointing out that it was likely that he was forced to do that, so it’s a bit unfair to tarnish him with that.
Either way, the whole Nazi thing is nothing compared to the whole Catholic thing. See, of the two organisations, the Catholic church is way more mental and evil than the Nazi Party. For a start, the Nazis got their arses handed to them in a tall hat. The Catholic Church? It still runs entire countries and hides sex-offenders up their priest holes!
So while Pope Benny may be tired of being called a Hitler loving git-hammock, he’ll be more tired of the constant allegations that his organisation likes to fuck with kids (both metaphorically and literal).
See, a report from the BBC is suggesting that the Catholic church in Spain, with the help of Nice Guy Franco and his Cuddly Dictatorship, stole babies from mothers and sold them!
That’s right folks! Spain is currently rubbing it’s eyes in disbelief at the allegations that the Catholic church stole and trafficked of thousands of babies. Those loveable nuns and priests did this up ’til the ’90s!
Nuns would inform mothers that their newborn had died and there was no way of seeing the body. Of course, after the initial gut-wrenching heartache subsided, the mothers went onto to a life of nightclubs and cocktails while those unlucky enough to keep their babies slid into a joyless, shriek-filled life.
We’re missing the point aren’t we?
The Spanish government are even admitting that the church stole children, with one government spokesperson called Nunez saying:
“I don’t dare to come up with figures… but from the volume of official investigations I dare to say there were many.”
Lawyers believe that up to 300,000 babies were swiped.
Basically, it seems that Franco and the church teamed up and took babies from parents deemed “undesirable” and placing them with “approved” families, from the ’30s onward. For money. Better yet, is that one Spanish magazine published photographs of a dead baby kept in a freezer at the San Ramon clinic, which was (allegedly) used as ‘proof’ to show mothers that their child had died.
Wait.
This isn’t funny. We’re wondering toward the territory of being serious.
Fear not dear reader! You forgot one thing! Regardless of the situation, absolutely everything is approximately three thousand times funnier if it involves a nun.
HURRAY! COMEDY WINS!
Sorry accidental orphans.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it
Suresh Bharadwaj says
Yes, the European German Roman Catholic Christian Pope Joseph Ratzinger Benedict XVI was a Nazi, a bigoted hater of the Israeli Jewish Nationalist Freedom Fighter and the most proud Jewish religious leader Jesus Christ, and a pervert and sadistic participant in the monitoring, manipulating, lootting, arresting, injuring, molesting, raping, torturing, and killing of the milllions of Jewish men, women and children all over Europe before, during and after the second world war under the leadership and instructions of the most fundamentalist European German Christian Fuhrer Adolph Hitler. For the Nazis like the European German Roman Catholic Christian Pope Joseph Ratzinger Benedict XVI, the most fundamentalist European German Christian Fuhrer Adolph Hitler is the God and their lives are dedicated to him and they live every minute of their lives in the praise of their God Fuhrer Adolph Hitler, the worst human being and the most sadistic and pervert killer of human beings that the human world has ever seen.
stella says
So now you only publish the comments by cowardly hypocrits yapping at the Catholic church, don’t you? Not that I care, but would you dare publish a similar rant against other religions?
stella says
Get your facts staright, Stalin was the greatest mass murderer of all times and nations (roughly 80 million people), and he definitely killed even more jews than his buddyHitler.
therealhawkman says
Don’t forget The Great Leader, Chairman Mao. Estimates of his murdering years are near a match to Stalin’s. If you want to talk unnecessary deaths, murders, wars, genocides, all you have to do is look at all the religions over the centuries who use their “belief” as an excuse to murder others. Top Two: Islam and Catholicism. Which one wins in the numbers category would be debatable even by their own if they were to ever admit it.