Look, there’s no other of putting this, so we’ll just say it – we want Susan Boyle and the Pope to fall in love.
And get married. And have kids. And, no, that’s not just so we can rig up a secret camera in the Pope’s bedroom and film them having sex and sell the ensuing Pope/Boyle sex tape on the internet, although admittedly that is a big part of it. No, we just want to see what the offspring of Susan Boyle and the Pope would look like. Hopefully they’d have Boyle’s monobrow and wiry hair, and the Pope’s terrifying eyes and willingness to overlook systematic child abuse. They’d be adorable.
And luckily our dream might just reach fruition – Susan Boyle is going to sing for the Pope in September. Let’s just hope the Pope has the foresight to kit his Popemobile out with a mattress beforehand.
Hey, you! Yes, you! Couldn’t get into a festival this year? Think that modern rock music isn’t nearly as intimidating as it could be? Sold your Glastonbury tickets because you realised that you wouldn’t be constantly threatened with the prospect of an eternity spent burning in hell there? Well fear not – in September there’s going to be a 95,000-strong open mass in Glasgow featuring both Susan Boyle and Pope Benedict XVI, and it sounds right up your alley.
It’s been announced that Susan Boyle will sing at the Bellahouston Park mass that’s been organised to mark the first visit to the UK by a Pope since 1982. Poor Pope – he’s never visited the UK in an official capacity before, and he’s being punished for it by having to listen to a squat lady with problem hair singing about some horses. No wonder he looks so miserable all the time. Digital Spy reports:
The?Britain’s Got Talent runner up is said to be the final stages of negotiations to sing at the public mass in Scotland, which marks Pope Benedict XVI’s first visit to Britain. Simon Cowell’s brother Tony recently?claimed that Boyle would “drop everything” to perform for the pontiff, admitting: “It would be a dream come true for her”.
This just goes to show how far the influence of Britain’s Got Talent has spread. Hopefully next time the Pope visits the UK, he’ll be treated to a command performance by a drumming child or a clever dog or a man who can fart the theme-tune to Dallas. He’d like that.
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soraya from the works says
if they have babies would that make them holy boyles? or just regular boyles? or boilings?