Superman Seeks Digital Junk Reduction
December 14th, 2005 at 14:30 by Shawn Lindseth
Everything is going swimmingly for the next big screen adaption of Superman, everyone’s second favourite Kryptonian.
Lex Luthor is still super evil, Jimmy Olsen’s keeping Kodak in business and Lois Lane’s considering death by avalanche. Yes sir, the studio heads couldn’t be happier…
…except they think Superman’s man-nana is hugely over-sized.
The studio bosses behind summer of 06’s sure-to-be blockbuster
Superman Returns, are very concerned that Superman’s (i.e. actor
Brandon Routh) signature red pocket bulge is a few pounds past way too
big.
Not understanding that the localised gigantism is likely due to
several generations of Kal-El’s forefathers genetically adapting to the
tremendous gravitational pull of their now exploded planet, the bosses
have ordered the excess junk in Superman’s trunk to be covered with digital
effects.
A source had this to say about it:
"It’s a major issue for the
studio. Brandon is extremely well endowed and they don’t want it up on
the big screen. We may be forced to erase his package with digital
effects."
A grossly over-sized pickle could, however, be a very valid concern
in Superman’s line of work. After all, when one is leaping tall
buildings with a single bound, you can’t slow down for a skin snag.
Looking for all kinds of Superman bumf? eBay has thousands of Superman items
Read more:
Superman’s penis is too big for the cinema - Entertainmentwise
[story by Shawn Lindseth]
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December 15th, 2005 at 8:45 am
Bryan Singer hand picked Super endowed Brandon Routh
Boy-crazy gay film director Bryan Singer reportedly pushed for Brandon Routh to play the lead in Superman Returns over…
January 13th, 2006 at 9:08 pm
While the package sounds like a super-bonus, it also turns out from a long-complaining Lois that Clark is “super-fast”
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:01 pm
why would the directer pick Brandon Routh to play in the new movie Superman Returns!!!! why couldn’t he pick that guy who plays off of Smallville that Tom Wellings guy he’s bee acting alot longer than Brandon Routh…DUH EVERYONE KNOWS THAT..
From:Elizabeth Weaver