Everyone seems to be suffering from some form of money trouble at the moment, and it isn’t funny at all.
Luckily, Stephen Baldwin has fixed that. Now, we should point out that Stephen Baldwin hasn’t fixed the part about everyone suffering – he hasn’t formulated a new global economic framework from a series of existing monetary theories and philosophies which will lead us all to a more fiscally-secure future. We meant the second bit. The not being funny bit. Stephen Baldwin has filed for bankruptcy. And it’s sort of funny.
Oh, we’re joking. We’re sort of joking. A bit.
Who’s your favourite Baldwin brother? It’s obviously not Alec Baldwin, the most talented Baldwin brother who has shrugged off his own personal problems to reach a new level of critical acclaim showcasing his comedic ability on 30 Rock. And it’s probably not Daniel Baldwin, the hilarious numbskull Baldwin brother who barely seems to be able to go more than three or four weeks without crashing his car in an impressively spectacular way.
And your favourite Baldwin Brother definitely isn’t Billy Baldwin because, come on, he’s Billy Baldwin.
No, your favourite Baldwin brother has to be Stephen Baldwin. He can do it all – The Usual Suspects proved that he can do heavy drama, The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas proved that he can do badly-cast underperforming family films, Zebra Lounge proved that he could do horrible erotic thrillers where he gets to have it off with a woman who’s pressed up against a window – plus he’s a hard-line born-again evangelical Republican who once tried to spread the word of God through the saintly pursuit of extreme sports. There is literally nothing that you can’t like about Stephen Baldwin.
Apart from, possibly, his inability to understand how money works. Because Stephen Baldwin has just declared himself bankrupt in New York, as ABC News reports:
The court documents show that the 43-year-old actor and his wife, Kennya, owe more than $2 million, Reuters reported. The Baldwins owe a reported $1.2 million on two mortgages for their home in Rockland County, N.Y., valued at $1.1 million. Court filings also show the actor owes $70,000 in credit card debt and more than $1 million in taxes.
We have to say, we’re shocked. Not that Stephen Baldwin owes a mortgage that’s still greater than the value of a house he bought 12 years ago, or the fact that he owes more than $1 million in taxes. No, we’re shocked that Stephen Baldwin doesn’t earn enough to pay off all of his debts. Because, come on, are you really telling us that brief cameos in Fred Claus and starring roles in? TV movies called The Snake King don’t pay hundreds of millions of dollars a pop? That’s hard to believe.
However, there’s nothing wrong with being declared bankrupt. In fact, Stephen Baldwin should see this as a new brand start for himself and his family. It’s a clean slate. Who knows, if he keeps his spending to a minimum and continues to make movies like Xcharge, Deadrockstar and Slapshot 2: Breaking The Ice, within five or six years he might be able to own his own upturned metal dustbin. It’s a long shot, but it’s important to hold onto your dreams in difficult times like these.
David Scarborough says
I see a Slapshot 3 on the horizon! Or possibly a reality show ‘Bankrupt Baldwin’, which involves Stephen doing ‘crazy’ stunts to get money from the public…that or suicide. Definately one of those three!