Do you want the good news or the bad news? OK, the good news. Star Trek is the first Star Trek movie in ages that's any good.
The bad news? The bad news is that, because Star Trek is the new number one movie at the weekend box office, Simon Pegg is doomed to spend the rest of his life answering impenetrable questions from stinking spods while harbouring a festering resentment towards Chris Pine?s growing messiah complex.
But still, Star Trek is the new weekend box office movie and that's good. They?ll get to shout ?KHAAAAAN!? in the next one.
Of course Star Trek is the top movie at the weekend box office. Of course it is. It hasn't just picked up some of the best reviews of the year so far, but it's also been directed by JJ Abrams who understands how these things should work.
True, based on his work on Lost, it means that the next five Star Trek sequels will get sillier and more incomprehensible and Jim Robinson from Neighbours will somehow become a leading character and there?ll be a bloody statue that pops up from nowhere and Rose and Bernard will just disappear without explanation and WHY WON?T ANYONE SAY WHERE ROSE AND BERNARD WENT, HUH? Where did they go? You bastard.
Here?s the weekend box office top five…
1 – Star Trek (Not really a trek, though, is it? Make it more like a trek next time, Abrams. Sensible walking shoes and Ordinance Survey maps and flasks of orange juice and inescapable boredom please) $72,500,000
2 – X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Note to online pirates: if any of you plan on leaking any more summer blockbusters to the internet weeks before its release date, could you please make the next one a good one? Thanks, love hecklerspray) $27,000,000
3 – Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (Why are they all ghosts? Because they killed themselves. They killed themselves because Matthew McConaughey was their boyfriend and he's a massive turdface. That's why) $10,450,000
4 – Obsessed (It's great that Beyonce is in a film called Obsessed, because people really are obsessed with her. It's why the other two members of Destiny?s Child are about to star in a film called Vague And Constantly Diminishing Awareness Of Your Existence) $6,600,000
5 – 17 Again (Narrowly edging out Next Day Air, the new movie starring that person from Scrubs. No, not that person from Scrubs. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. That one) $4,405,000
You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!
Karen says
I’ve seen it twice and I will most likely see it again. Wonderful film, and surprizingly funny.
Easter Egg: Chris Doohan, the son of the original Scotty can be seen in the Transporter room with the new Scotty. Cool beans.
Sunny says
You forgot that annoying yet mysterious black mist that wafted through Lost. What ever can top that?
But yeah, will have to see what and the how this can get screwed up because if there’s a JJ Abrams, there’s a way.
BTW Spock Rocks.