Spencer Pratt is a thoroughly modern celebrity, in as much that, he’s famous simply because he’s a bit famous. He’s somehow managed to stay in our ears and eyes by making regular and annoying noises, like a child beeping the horn of his mum’s car whilst parked up outside the shops.
Looking at him and his eerie little Aryan face, you wonder what anyone saw in him – ever. Yet, Heidi Montag liked him enough to allow him to get his doo-dah out without screaming at him and clawing his retinas out.
And then he got a divorce and threatened to release a sex-tape of him and his ex-wife, leaving everyone smacking themselves in the forehead, muttering about how he’s always been a prick. And now Spencer agrees that he is, in fact, a tool of epic proportions.
What the rest of the world already knew, Pratt confirmed on his twitter page.
“I need to apologize to Heidi and my 11.5 fans.I’m an epic douche – and you deserve better.”
Get that! He’s gone and counted his fans like some autistic number cruncher in a bean factory. Don’t worry Europe… if you’re still thinking “Who the shitting hell is this Spencer Pratt bloke?”, don’t worry yourself unduly over it. Go back to your biscuits or whatever you were doing. This bloke is a crashing non-entity which we’re using solely in the hope of swagging some traffic from bleary eyed Americans.
Pratt says about his divorce from reality star Heidi Montag:
“Divorce can be a trying, draining, and emotionally devastating experience for all involved.
“Despite these hardships, most individuals manage to conduct themselves with dignity and maturity. I did not ? I failed spectacularly.”
He called his actions towards Heidi “infantile.” Infantile tends to suggest throwing strops and wailing a lot, as opposed to, say… we dunno… planning to leak sex tapes, attacking her on twitter and stalking her while she’s on her holidays.
“She never deserved the pain and anguish I put her through, and although I don’t expect it, I hope in time she’ll be able to forgive me.”
Shut your mouth you epic douche.