Sorry. You were probably having quite a good day, weren’t you? And now we’ve come along and trampled all over it.
Or worse. Maybe you were having a terrible day. And maybe the news that The Jonas Brothers aren’t splitting up will be the last straw for you. Maybe hearing this will be what finally pushes you to climb that clocktower so you can start systematically blasting away at strangers with a sniper rifle until you’re inevitably taken out by a police helicopter.
Either way, The Jonas Brothers aren’t splitting up. In fact, The Jonas Brothers are so not splitting up that they’ve gone to the trouble of actually telling people that they’re not splitting up. Sorry.
So listen. The Jonas Brothers aren’t splitting up. But that’s not the end of the world, is it? Because, come on, The Jonas Brothers didn’t split up yesterday and you managed to get through that alright, didn’t you? Or the day before. In fact, if you think about it, The Jonas Brothers haven’t split up on any day since you were born. So today’s news that The Jonas Brothers aren’t splitting up isn’t such terrible news on the grand scale of things. It just feels like it’s terrible news. It’s like spending the 1980s in pre-Perestroika Russia. It was shitty, but at least you had the comfort of not knowing what the alternatives were.
So if The Jonas Brothers aren’t splitting up, then why are we making such a big fuss about them? Well, as usual, it’s all the fault of that idiot Nick Jonas. It’s been announced that Kevin Jonas has broken away to form his own band, entitled Nick Jonas & The Administration. Think of the new band as the Raconteurs to his White Stripes, albeit a version of The Raconteurs that only sings awful songs called things like Oh Girl You Make Me So Super Happy and Sunshine Makes My Heart Go Bippy Bop.
But it’s not just Nick Jonas who’s putting strain on the future of The Jonas Brothers. Kevin Jonas has also decided to take a brief hiatus from the group to see what this whole ‘having sex’ thing is like. And that just leaves poor old Joe Jonas. He needs The Jonas Brothers to continue. He needs it. He’s got two growing eyebrows to feed, for God’s sake. And maybe that’s why Nick and Kevin have decided to tell the world that, no matter what happens, the Jonas Brothers will always be. In a letter to fans, the band wrote:
?We plan to make music together for as long as we can. We've said from the beginning of our career as the Jonas Brothers that anything we do outside of the group is a side project because you can't break up brothers… A three-chord strand is not easily broken, and one thing?s for sure? this three chord strand is stronger now than it's ever been. You are truly the best fans in the world, and we love you with all our hearts.?
Stupid three-chord strands. If we see a three-chord strand today, we’re going to kick it in the balls.
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Chortle says
Heeheee. How is it you always make me laugh so hard, even when I love the Jonas Brothers? Not fair.
Anyway. Joe is best one, he’s got movies in his future seeing as he and his eyebrows are the only ones in the band who can really act.
* says
You know what? I am sick of people acting like the Jonas Brothers are the worst thing that ever happened. You don’t have to listen to their music, you don’t have to watch their show, so lay off. What exactly is wrong with them? They are a clean-cut, wholesome, talented, modest band and all you losers who judge them by their voices need to freakin get a life. Yes, I am just a teenager who loves them, as most of you reading this will think. But whether I was or not, I would have nothing against them. They haven’t done anything wrong and you all who can’t see that, your loss.
HANANZIAD. says
i actually i agree with * comment. whats so wrong with them? what have they done? NOTHING. you act like they’re vermin or something. They are 3 great boys, being 3 great role models. Brothers, making music. since when was that a crime? to be honest, i think you’re just jealous. yes, im a fan, AND PROUD. :)
Patrick says
What’s wrong with them? Their music is god awful, they are everywhere, and teenage girls like them. When teenage girls like something, you know its bad. Just look at Hannah Montana and Twilight. SHIT.
Chortle says
I agree about HM & Twilight. But the Jonases are different.
KungxFu says
“all you losers who judge them by their voices need to freakin get a life”
Are you being serious?
They’re a band. Of course we judge them by their freakin voices! Jeez, wake up.
And then, we just ridicule them for everything else :D
Kirrsten says
Haha your a duche u said kevin jonas is going to do a solo project nick jonas and the administration, the jonas brothers are awesume and realy no one cares what you think about them, and your always saying no ones herd of them, whos herd of you ?? Honestley i feel sorry for you as you have no brains exept to sit at a computer and make fun of a band, who have done nothing to you, for a living. SADO
Taurie says
I am so sick of people dissing them! There is nothing wrong with them, they are TALENTED, good looking and great role models. And not all teenagers are into Hannah Montana or Twilight- cuz I can’t stand them! But I sure do LOVE the Jonas Brothers! So all you haters need to shut the fuck up!!!!!!