Usually when hecklerspray attends job interviews with a resume in-hand, the interviewers ask us things like “That thar piece a paper say you know how to dig graves?”
Which it doesn’t – and it never has. For years the only thing our resume has had printed on it are the words me, work and good. So far no takers, likely due to the economic climate.
Our resume is probably in need of a makeover – once we have our absolutely real degree in advanced Beatles-ology from Liverpool Hope University – that’s probably when potential employers will stop pushing us out of things.
Art degrees are probably gonna start to look pretty good on a resume now that they’ll no longer be soaking in the absolute bottom of the useless barrel. They really were the bottom, you know – the worst of the worst. They’d sit shamefully down their stewing in the sour juices trickling down to them from slightly less embarrassing degrees like ‘Social Science’ and ‘French.’
If you had an art degree, chances are anyone to whom you slid your resume across a big oak desk would look at it, and then remained puzzled the rest of the day as to why you chose a blue and yellow fresco background to print things out on. Seriously, that crap might work at a craft supply store – but you’re graduated now! Time to look responsible! Time to use straight-forward fonts!
Don’t worry though. Your chances of getting hired have just increased slightly. That’s because if an employer is trying to pick between two resumes – yours and one that says ‘Majored in the Beatles,’ well let’s just say you might have your pick of cubicles.
The Beatles have suddenly become a bona fide graduate degree – we’re serious here. Don’t believe us? Then just you read what we found on Liverpool Hope University’s own website:
“Liverpool Hope University has launched a brand new MA in The Beatles, Popular Music and Society, the first of its kind in the world. The new course, which can be studied both full and part time, covers four modules with specific issues relating to The Beatles and Popular Music, consisting of four 12-week taught modules, plus a dissertation…
“…’Forty years on from their break-up, now is the right time and LIverpool is the right place to study The Beatles. This MA is expected to attract a great deal of attention, not just locally but nationally and we have already had enquiries from abroad, particularly the United States.”
We’ve heard popular classroom activities will be playing that one Beatles-infused video game, and drawing what you think Heather Mills’ missing leg might look like this very second. We would pencil sketch a motorcycle boot covered in worms.
There are actually jobs you can get with that Beatles degree, you know. For instance, maybe you could work at a bagel shop. If not, maybe the school will help you find some post-scholastic employment. We’ve not heard if they actually offer any sort of job placement after you walk across their stage, but we’re guessing not.
By that point they’ll have packed all the tuition you gave them into a suitcase and gone somewhere to launder it.
Because that’s what you do with stolen money. You launder it.
Tom J says
“Forty years on from their break-up, now is the right time and Liverpool is the right place to study The Beatles”
What? Just… what? Why is Forty years late the right time and how can Liverpool be the right place for ANYTHING except deep ethnic cleansing of scousers?
Julian Mentat says
Will the graduation photos be taken on a pedestrian crossing?
DownloadFreePCGames says
And what they do? trying to make a report on the Yellow submarine? who is the walrus?
euclid says
More likely pedestrian photos on crossing a taken graduate.