Shakira
Don’t Bother
Sony BMG
It’s becoming a bit of a cliché, but Shakira’s (CDs) not all there, is she? Let’s examine the evidence: first, there’s the cover of her upcoming Oral Fixation Vol. 2 album, on which she poses naked – but for a strategically-positioned tree branch – clutching an apple whilst a rather demonic-looking baby reaches to grab a tuft of her luxuriant mane. Then you’ve got the lyrics to Don’t Bother, the first single from this idiosyncratically-packaged new album. Apparently our ‘Kira would give up all she owns and “move to a communist country” for her bloke. Nice sentiment, love, but isn’t that a bit extreme? And, of course, we’ve all heard quite enough about those small and humble breasts that only a fool would dream of confusing with mountains. But here’s the kick: Shakira worked with The Matrix – Avril Lavigne‘s writing/production team – on this single and somehow managed to craft a pop rock stormer that doesn’t absolutely reek of 2002. Maybe there’s a bit of method to her madness after all?
More singles after the jump, from Chico, Charlotte Church, Love Bites, Pussycat Dolls, Orson and The Rakes…
Chico
It’s Chico Time
Sony BMG
According to It’s Chico Time (CDs) “you can get delirious” if, and don’t let
this pearl of wisdom pass you by, ‘spraylets, “you take life too
serious.” Trouble is, here at the ‘spray, we’d rather take life “too
serious,” once in a while than have to endure forced wackiness from a
perma-tanned, perma-grinning former Chippendale off of X Factor
ever, ever again. Especially when he insists on wrapping his ker-ay-zee
hijinks in a ‘funky’ Latin-lite package that wouldn’t have passed for a
Ricky Martin B-side seven years ago. That It’s Chico Time is creatively
bankrupt in every way imaginable is no surprise; that the whole
enterprise manages to be even less appealing than Sharon Osbourne‘s
current haircut is quite an achievement nonetheless.
Charlotte Church
Moodswings (To Come At Me Like That)
Sony BMG
Hands up who’s been slightly disappointed with The Church’s pop career
thus far? Okay, you can put them down now; otherwise your boss might
start to think you’re a bit of a mental. More importantly, if you
don’t, you’ll never be able to scroll down to The Serious Part of this
review. Colour hecklerspray pernickety, but it seems to us that Charlotte
Church (CDs) has been blessed with the voice – not to mention the sheer force
of nature, knacker-grabbing personality – to become the greatest British
popstar of her generation. She should be working with genuine
innovators like Richard X and Xenomania, not Gary Barlow and Her Off Of
Shakespeare’s Sister Wot Wasn’t In Bananarama. Moodswings, the fourth
single from Chazza’s safe but niftily-titled Tissues And Issues album,
is a solid and likable mid-tempo pop song. Here at the ‘spray we’ll
gladly put up with ‘solid and likable from the McClarnons and
Bedingfields of this world. But from Charlotte Church, we want a bit
more. In fact, we’ll lay our cards on the table: we want fireworks.
Love Bites
He’s Fit
Universal Island Records
Are Love Bites (CDs) ever going to become the girls-with-guitars,
Busted-with-breasts pop phenomenon that Universal Island clearly think
they should be? No. Does He’s Fit benefit from the winning humour and
wonderfully trashy chorus that made the girls’ debut single You Broke
My Heart (So I Broke Your Nose) such a deliciously guilty pleasure? No.
Are Love Bites likely to make it to a third single? We’re guessing you
know the answer by now. He’s Fit isn’t hopeless – the insistent verses
and energetic harmonies recall the greatest all-girl band The Go-Go’s,
after all – but the toothless chorus and cliché-ridden lyrics disappoint
after the Smirnoff Ice buzz of their debut single. So long Love Bites;
we hardly knew you at all…
Pussycat Dolls featuring will.i.am
Beep
Universal
On which our lithe, nubile heroines hook up with the Black Eyed Peas‘
will.i.am for what is essentially a rewrite of the Peas’ My Humps. But
where Humps was embarrassing and irritating, this tune is sultry and
danceable. Turning the “beep” that obscures naughty song lyrics on
daytime radio into a hook is something of a masterstroke from
will.i.am. Not only will it ensure healthy airplay figures for this
single, but it also spares the listener all those teeth-grinding lyrics
about “lovely lady lumps” that made Humps so unbearable. And the Dolls’ (CDs)
Nicole Scherzinger is a sexier, more appealing vocalist than the Peas’
Fergie to boot. The novelty sound effect upon which this song is built
is sure to grate over time, but, for now, Beep is a taut, seductive
urban dance single that gives the Dolls a good shot at a hat-trick of
number one hits.
Orson
No Tomorrow
Mercury
Imagine a song that sounds like a mutant hybrid of the Maroon 5 back
catalogue and Bodyrockers‘ I Like The Way (aka Last Year’s Most
Overplayed Single). With a watered-down Brown Sugar riff for its intro
and hints of Scissors Sisters and The Killers to keep things nice ‘n’
contemporary. Not to mention a chorus that doesn’t so much scream
anthem as pin your head against a brick wall, prize open your ear hole
and holler Things Can Only Get Better down it quicker than Davina
McCall‘s new chatshow can shed a million viewers. That’s right, the
debut single from California’s Orson (CDs) is a truly terrifying prospect.
The ‘spray’s advice? Switch off your radio. Don’t even think of turning
on MTV. And, if you really have to listen to some dance-rock this year,
stick with Call Me by Blondie.
THE HECKLERSPRAY INDIE BAND FACT FILE #1: THE RAKES
Print off and keep each week. Details of exclusive Ringbinder coming soon!
Name: The Rakes (CDs)
Single: All Too Human
Label: V2
Domicile: East London.
Current level of popularity: Last year’s debut album Capture/Release
made number 32 on the charts and spawned three top 40 singles.
Current state of play: All Too Human is the band’s first new tune since the album.
Critical acclaim: Somewhere between The Darkness and the Arctic Monkeys. But nearer to the Monkeys. Woohoo!
Key Words: “danceable,” “angular,” “art-punk,” “wiry”.
Suggested Conversation Piece: “The Rakes’ new single is coming soon to an indie disco near you!”
The ‘Spray’s final word: Alan Donohoe‘s vocals recall both Matt Bellamy
from Muse and David Bowie, which is quite an achievement when you think
about it.
[reviews by Nick Levine]
heather harland (15) says
Chico time is brilliant it is so catchy and everytime i hear it i jus t want to jump up and dance to the tune.I have loved chico since his 1st audition adn still love him now chico time will be number 1, and it could also get record of them year and if it just i wontstop voting for it i love chico x x
taylor says
i like chico he is funny
tashaa says
chico is sooooooooooooooooo fit!!
o n he is a gr8 singer
xx haha xx