If your favourite thing about American Idol is Simon Cowell, we have a little bit of bad news for you.
He might be leaving American Idol. Simon’s brother said so in a podcast yesterday. But if your favourite thing about American Idol is Randy Jackson, we have some good news for you – he isn’t leaving American Idol.
But if your favourite thing about American Idol is either Kara DioGuardi, Ryan Seacrest or all the awful bastards belting out godawful Stevie Wonder covers, we have some more bad news – you’re just about the worst kind of idiot on the face of the planet. But, yeah, Simon Cowell might be leaving next year. That was our point.
Next year’s American Idol is going to be interesting – it’ll be the first one where Paula Abdul won’t gnash and dribble and howl like some kind of rabid animal in a straitjacket every time she’s asked what she thinks. It won’t be too much of a jarring transition, though – Ellen DeGeneres is taking her place and she’s just as funny, albeit in a less obliviously unintentional way.
But the year after that? That’s when American Idol will get really interesting. Because, according to Simon Cowell’s brother who has a podcast called The Cowell Factor (yes, we know, obnoxiousness must run in the family), 2010 will be Simon’s last-ever season on the show. Here’s what he said:
“Meanwhile, Simon prepares for a new season of ‘Idol’ ? or should I say, his last season of ‘Idol’. A press statement is being prepared which will confirm what everybody expected: Simon will leave ‘Idol’ at the end of 2010 to concentrate on bringing the American version of ‘X Factor’ to U.S. TV in 2011.”
Oh thank God for that. Simon Cowell is only leaving American Idol because he wants to start getting a US version of X Factor ready. That’ll be a relief to anyone who assumed that he’d be leaving to, say, paint his face across the surface of the sun or build a billion-strong army of high-trousered robot Cowell clones to enslave the planet. It’s just X Factor. That’s really not as bad as it could have been.
Now, if you’re American and unfamiliar with what X Factor is, we feel that we should take this juncture to talk you through the format. Ready? Imagine American Idol. Done it? Good. That’s what X Factor is. It’s American Idol. But with more explosions. And the winner gets to sing a bad Miley Cyrus song. Other than that it’s identical.
But if Simon Cowell really is quitting, then where does that leave American Idol? Cowell was the beating heart of the show – unless producers can find a suitable replacement for him, it’s hard to see how it’ll survive without him.
And by ‘suitable replacement’ we absolutely didn’t mean ‘Piers Morgan’. Get that idea out your head this instant, world. Seriously, we mean it. That would just be awful.
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JoeMomma says
Isn’t the best part of these shows just watching the really terrible people try and sing or dance? He was entertaining because he’d tare a strip out of them.
And if I may, I’ve been dying to say this for a LONG time. The songs they sing on that show are complete balls.
melanie says
what about his stupid haircut? will that go away too?
and why just leave the show? why do things half-assed? just be a man and go into outer space.
halo says
I have never watched AI nor do I intend to. That said, Adam Lambert’s album ROCKS! And I want that version of Mad World…anyways..
I’m all for schadenfreude but watching some of these poor, pathetic souls who are deluded enough to think they can sing…I’m sorry I can’t do it. I mean, watching people cry when they get insulted, to me is not very entertaining. It’s a lot more like break out the brain bleach and make it go away.
It’s one thing on X Factor when Edward and whathisface were on, they knew they were a joke but they played right along, that was their shtick.
One of the contestants committed suicide last year. I believe the ‘spray posted an article. Yes, the women was nuts for stalking Paula Abdul (really Paula Abdul???), but it’s sick and rather shocking that the producers knew she was a nut with no chance and did it for the ratings. And the result was her committing suicide, gee…
Call it what you want, but its train wreck TV that even if the songs weren’t balls as JoeMomma so eloquently put it, I still wouldn’t watch.