It’s easy to forget that Simon Cowell isn’t just that insufferably smug idiot from X Factor – Simon Cowell is also that insufferably smug idiot from American Idol.

Simon doesn’t just judge alongside shrieking bulimic reality TV stars and fey passive Irishmen, either. On American Idol he gets to judge alongside a spaced-out 1980s popstar and a great big man who intermittently yells the word "Dog!" like a A.D.D-ridden kid. And Simon Cowell has announced that American Idol is never going to stop, never ever ever. Or until 2009, at least.

Fox has announced that American Idol is to stay on the air – pumping
out bland, order-obeying puppet singers with ridiculously restricted
record deals into the American charts – until 2009. And Simon Cowell (Books) is
going to be right there for every series, biting on his pencil with his
super-white teeth and calling potential singers "fucking dickwads," or
whatever it is that he calls them these days.

For a while, it looked like Simon Cowell would be leaving American
Idol at the end of the forthcoming series, to try and sell the X Factor
format to American broadcasters. But after his legal battle with Pop
Idol/American Idol creator Simon Fuller – who claimed that X Factor was
nothing more than a dirty great rip-off of his show – ended in a recent
out-of-court settlement, it’s all back on and Cowell, for once, is
happy:

"It is a personal thrill for me to play a
role in giving the best young singers in America a shot at realising
their dreams. I’m also happy to be working with my good friend Simon
Fuller for the foreseeable future and I look forward to continuing to
be a part of the Fox network and the phenomenal success that is
American Idol." 

Simon
then realised that the statement sounded a bit too positive for him,
and added, "You terrible arsehole. Your Mum’s a whore," onto the end.

As well as all of that "giving the best young singers in America a
shot at realising their dreams," cobblers, Simon Cowell is also going
to be raking in the wonga like Scrooge McDuck – American Idol is the
highest-rated show in all of America, and a 30-second advertising spot
in the new series will cost a record $705,000.

So American Idol will be on air until 2009. Think of all the hot young men that Paula Abdul can deny sleeping with.

Read more:

Simon Sticking With ‘Idol’ – E! Online

[story by Stuart Heritage]