American Idol loves its theme nights – we’ve previously had Beatles Night, Big Band Night and Ironically Let Taylor Hicks Win Night.
But the forthcoming American Idol will be groundbreaking. That’s because it’ll be the first American Idol theme season – and the theme is ‘everybody be really nice to all the contestants, even if they’re clearly awful, in case more of them show up dead outside Paula Abdul‘s house’.
Actually it’s not. Simon Cowell has spoken about the death of Paula Abdul’s obsessed fan and has decided that, though sad, he’s still going to be a bastard to everyone he meets. Hooray!
The death of Paula Goodspeed was upsetting on so many levels. Partly because it was a waste of a young life, partly because the warning signs went unheeded for so long, partly because choosing to kill yourself because you couldn’t be Paula Abdul’s best friend is possibly the silliest decision that anyone could ever make and partly because it would seem that American Idol may have been a direct factor for her suicide.
Shortly after Paula Goodspeed was found dead in a car near Paula Abdul’s house it emerged that she was a former American Idol contestant who was chosen to appear on the show because she was so obsessed with Paula Abdul that her house was littered with life-size paintings of her. Brought on, laughed at, ridiculed for her dental braces and sent packing – the American Idol machine chewed Paula Goodspeed up and spat her out.
And now that she’s dead, Goodspeed has made sure that she’ll hang over the entire new season of American Idol like a particularly miserable cloud. Firstly, Paula Abdul is spooked out and angry at the show’s producers, which will make for an interesting dynamic when American Idol reaches its live stages. Secondly a hasty format rejig means there won’t be so many lunatics appearing in the American Idol audition shows. And thirdly, there’s Simon Cowell.
Simon Cowell’s bread and butter is the withering put-down but, now those put-downs have been linked to a woman’s suicide, there’s a chance he’ll have to reign them in a bit on the new American Idol. And what’s Simon Cowell left with if you take away his shocking rudeness? Some ill-fitting trousers, the world’s least-flattering haircut and a voice that sounds like KITT from Knight Rider‘s gay uncle who’s been struck down with a nasty case of M.E.
So will we see a new, fluffier Simon Cowell when American Idol premieres next month? Not bloody likely, as he told Reuters:
“I have thought long and hard about this… I think we will continue in the way we have always done. We have tried to have a sense of humor. The show is not an inherently mean show… What happened was awful. My regret is that we didn’t know how troubled this person was. If I had gone back in time and known what she was going through, I wish we could have spent time trying to help her, but we genuinely didn’t know.”
To be fair, Simon Cowell does have a point here – none of the American Idol contestants who he’s scolded for looking a bit gay or probably being disabled have killed themselves, so maybe Paula Goodspeed was just a tragic one-off.
And he’s absolutely right to refuse to drop all the sarcastic comments. Rude Simon Cowell may have accidentally helped to prompt one untimely suicide, but that’d be a drop in the ocean to the millions of horrified viewers who’d start disgustedly stabbing themselves in the face if Simon Cowell ever hugged someone or – worse still – actually started crying. Just thinking about that has given us the creeps, actually. Bleurgh.
Ellie says
its a horrible tragedy but seriously… there is nothing more to be done or said. Just try to make sure it doesnt happen again. if a Known stalker comes in to audition, dont let her in in the future. other than that, i dont think they should make changes. obviously, you cannot change the show just because of One psycho. Im sure paula knows that too, and she never said she wants the show to change. some people seem to think paula says yes to everyone. thats soo not true. i was watching idol rewind the other day and she laughs at people and turns them down too. all 3 of them do.
magnetite says
Cowell and his Crapportunity Knocks shows need to be retired to give the music industry, television schedules and the public a breath of long-needed fresh air. He’s almost single-handedly brought TV back to the dark, dark days of the 70’s variety and light entertainment shows.
So, fuckyouverymuch for that then Cowell, and have a Merry Go-fuck-yourself-mas.
magnetite says
Hallelujah at no.1, no.2 and no.36? Cowell, you have also returned the music industry to the 50’s and early 60’s situation of multiple versions of the same song released by different artists. At the same bloody time.
So I must now add a Happy New Burn-In-Fucking-Hell to my earlier wishes for you.