Shia LaBeouf has been living his life like he’s Joaquin Phoenix in 2009 a.k.a. a weird, artistic, drunken mess who might be really talented or might be a mega cunt, who knows?! Aside from pulling off a ton of weird art projects and hosting some random film marathons of his own movies, Shia also found time these past couple of years to get engaged to the eyebrowless wonder that is Mia Goth.
Well, these two high art lovers took time out of their busy schedules making Lars Von Trier classy porn to actually get married this week. And, like the great lover of art that Shia is, they decided to get married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator and livestream the whole thing on TMZ.
I would like to start by saying that I am not in any way here to diss Shia for getting married like this. In fact, unlike all that other shit he’s done in the name of art, I actually think this is the most relevantly artistic thing he’s done as it is extremely reflective of our current society. Streaming it on TMZ is fucking genius.
Hell, even if he’s not doing it for art and is just doing it because it’s really fucking funny, I’m here for it.
What I am NOT here for are the rumours that Mia Goth is going to be starring in a remake of the Dario Argento horror masterpiece, Suspiria, with that mess Chloe Moretz (ok, I don’t actually find Chloe Moretz to be a mess at all, but casting her as the female lead in this remake is actually ATROCIOUS).
Halloween a.k.a my favourite day of the whole year is just around the corner which means I’ll be watching Suspiria like 10 times between now and the 31st because it is ART. Remaking this film, which is a horror classic about ballerina witches, is an legitimate atrocity and there is no fucking need.
Shia LaBeouf needs to talk some sense into his new bride and be like ‘Girl, don’t do that movie. You don’t want to fuck with Dario Argento’s shit’, because she doesn’t. She just doesn’t.
Spilky Gefte says
Adriana Grande is absolute trash. I live in Boca Raton , and most of these people here are horrible. Or as I like to say horeabalah. It’s as though most people down here found their money in the street. Oh vey ! Gefelte.