Some things just has ‘box office gold’ stamped all over it – and now that list also apparently includes ‘two and a half hours of four ropey-looking middle-aged women screeching’.
You guessed it – Sex And The City is number one at the weekend box office this week, edging Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull into second place. Which, we think, makes overlong dull-as-cocks shoe-based babbling the new man-eating ants. Or something. Oh, we don’t care.
Anyway, Sex And The City is the weekend box office number one and, while it didn’t break any traditional records as such, it is thought to hold the prize for the amount of times that the three men who were henpecked into seeing it managed to murmur “kill me” to themselves during its duration.
Oh Sex And The City, the world would be such a different place if you never even existed. We wouldn’t have to put up with groups of women fooling themselves that they’re being sophisticated because they drink a lot and dress inappropriately and loudly talk about all the sex they’ve invented because they’re not actually getting any but are so dementedly hell-bent on fitting into the narrow pigeonhole created for them by a TV show about people who don’t even exist that they’d rather admit to exploding drug-resistant genital warts than a temporary period of enforced celibacy.
So it’s no surprise that, after what seems like about a fortnight since the Sex And The City TV show ended, the Sex And The City movie has rushed to the top of the US weekend box office. And no wonder – the Sex And The City movie has all the fun of the Sex And The City TV show, except it’s five times longer, has far less sex in it and everyone involved appears to have aged so dramatically that it mas as well be called You Will All Die Soon, Accessory-Obsessed Females. Um, In The City. Here’s this week’s US weekend box office top five…
1 – Sex And The City (Hey boys, we hear that around 95% of all audiences for Sex And The City are female, so going to see it is a great way to meet women. True, they’ll all be haggy old needy women desperately trying to look independent because it stops everyone asking them why they can’t hold down a marriage. And they’ll have drinking problems and awful cigarette breath. And they’ll cry a lot when they think you’re not looking. But, christ, you’re picking up women in a cinema. It’s not as if you’re very much of a catch yourself, is it? Jesus) $55,740,000
2 – Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (The exciting precursor to Indiana Jones And The Holy Crap Are You Seriously Expecting Us To Go And See It When Shia LaBeouf’s Playing The Lead Dear God We’d Rather Shit Out Our Spine And Then Blind Ourselves With It) $46,000,000
3 – The Strangers (So basically Liv Tyler gets stabbed almost to death by some freaky people in masks. That’s technically not a spoiler because the only peple who’d go and see this are too stupid to know how to read) $20,707,000
4 – Iron Man (Five weeks in and still in the US weekend box office top five? Great job, Iron Man – keep it up and you’ll be as successful as Baby Mama) $14,000,000
5 – The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (The disappointing performance and woeful reviews of Prince Caspian means that this could be the final Narnia movie – a crippling blow to anyone who was excited about seeing the adaptation of the book that’s mainly about a monkey playing a joke on a donkey) $13,016,000
shan says
i stl Watch sex and the city Movie here
http://www.80millionmoviesfree.com
Maria says
What is the name of the bar the girls go to in Sex and the City, the movie?