We’ve long chided Justin Bieber fans for being raving lunatics. Seriously, some Dirty Bieberphiles clearly need medical help. They scream for days on end ’til their tiny little larynges snap, leaving them to mouth the pint-sized popster’s name, before snipping a finger off with gardening shears to write I LUV U JUSTIN in their own blood on their Hello Kitty branded duvet, which they then hang out of their bedroom window, leaving their parents’ house looking like a rioting prison wing.
And despite the fact some of them have got in touch with us to say that in fact WE are the mental ones, a whole bunch of Bieberphiles have started sending death threats to Selena Gomez because Justin Bieber decided to kiss her with tongues and everything.
You lot really are the most!
For a while, there have been rumours that Bieber and Gomez have been fingering each other, all which have been refuted. However, these new pictures (which are insultingly boring to look at) seem to slap those rumours across the face before demanding that they piss-off, forever more.
And of course, moo-brained Beliebers have started to threaten everything in sight, shaking their white-knuckled angry little podgy fists at the sky and crying all the bones out of their bodies out of their now horrible disfigured tear ducts.
One lovely tweet from a simpleton said:
Roses are red, violets are blue, @selenagomez if you’ll break @justinbieber’s heart I’m gonna kill you
Okay, that’s a figurative killing that is based on the need to protect Justin Bieber (looking forward to his 8th birthday soon). The next one however…
I’ll kill you I swear on GOD!!!
And the next…
If you are the Girlfriend of Justin I will Kill you I HATE YOU :@ !!!
There are absolute zero fans who are happy about this. Every single Justin Bieberphile is utterly outraged at the thought of his tiny hairless posterior bobbing up and down while he makes meek kitten noises as he ejaculates inside Selena Gomez.
Weirdly though, because the former statement is so obviously true, the things Selena has been saying do put a strange twist on things.
Speaking to Us Weekly, she said that she saw Bieber like a brother. A brother that’s allowed to place his tiny little 13 year old hands on her bosom?
I love Justin. When he first started to come over from Canada his manager contacted me and he just said that he would like to meet me and he was just such a good kid?
I feel like a big sister now, because I want to protect him.
Protect him with your genitals no doubt! Anyway, you kids carry on with your kissing. Just be careful of hordes of murderous 3 year old girls constantly baying for your blood and throwing poisoned tipped Justin Bieber branded biros at your head FOR THE REST OF YOUR HORRIBLY LONG LIFE.
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diane says
when i just wanna say”Selena,I kill you ”?ha ha ha girls you are crazy.You knou i luv Justin but Selena it’s so cool.Now i’m happy because they are toghether becaouse Selena it’s perfect for him
seriously what says
What is wrong with his hair? Someone buy that douchebag a comb.
Ew Bieber Beaver says
wtf this fagg cannot be dating Selena Gomez , someone should send HIM dead threats for dating the hottest chick alive! I’m mad i hate him so much why is Selena Gomez dating a Lesbian?! She should of kept David Henrie ! He’s handsome and he’s a GUY ! Selena Gomez probably got paid $1,000,000,000 to date that stupid Lesbian Bieber . Selena is soo hot she needs a real man like David Henrie or Taylor Lautner , enough said i hope she dumps him and breaks his heart so he can cry. (:
keturah says
there are romars the jb is gay but he still is a normal person and we should treat him like a normal person and not like some kind of hot aline hes a normal teenager so if you want the truth back of a bit give him some space then give him and selena a lie dectetor to find the truth then calm down and get some help death threats are not the way to go now say what you want i don’t care you know i’m right and it’s true ok show time let the newspaper know let everyone know when you read this and leave a reply
Mint says
This is so funny. They’re just fangirls screaming and throwing fits because their dreamguy won’t date them. I just wonder of the safety of Selena. What if a crazy 16 year old Bieber fan tries to ”kill” Selena. Heck, that won’t make Justin Bieber wanna love them. I don’t really like either, but the fangirls are taking this too seriously. They were never gonna meet Mr. Bieber anyway. I wonder how many fanboys sent JB death threats. rofl
angel says
if you hert him i will com over an d kill u
Bustin Beaver says
FTW! Selena should date REAL guys ..LoL this Barbierella girl should kill herself . Bustin Beaver is a catastrophe. She doesn’t even know what German is. WTF? Selena what’s wrong w/ you? You date a lesbian ? LMAO that Beaver girl should die.Not Selena. =P
why do u need to know my name says
i hate u selena if u hert him i will kill u and make sure it looked like it wosent me so if u hert him u will b dead im 15 so we will b a good couple love u justin xxxxoooxxxxxooox
courage Idahosa says
please leave selena a justin alone there people if you would like to talk to me and get your priorities straight call me [Telephone Number Removed By Editor]
Summer says
You stupid girls dnt kno how ridiculous u sound..!Seriously get a life .. It’s not like any of u would of ever had a chance with him. So just shuuuut up and face the fact tht obviously your jealous n need to find something to do Luke twiddle your thumbs. Selena is more of woman than u girls will ever b. So steep down n just let it b. Goood!!!
Winter says
Justin u r so ugly and u look 7 y selena shE is like WAY out of your stupid league. She has beter hair and a smile so awesome. Oh and bever or Bieber if u cheat her or break her heart Ill come and spit ur face. Justin beaver sucks if your with me when u post a comment say WINTER IS RIGHT at the end let it all out.
Selena is awesome, Justin u stink,Justin just leave and she’ll be better in a wink.
Winter is right says
Justin u stink break her heart and u suck. And Bieber fans get a life. Y’all stick round all day swooning over him so shut up.
Q-10 says
as i looked at everyone’s thoughts on the fact that selena and justin r/wer dating,i had 2 say….U PEOPLE R OUT OF UR MIND!!! WHY DO U WANT 2 KILL SELENA?!?! however, i too dislike the fact that they’re dating, but i don’t want to kill her! i think selena should go out with yaboyro aka roshon fegan besides, i heard jb’s a 2timer. get away from her jb! D={
Q-10 says
OOPS!!! i 4got. WINTER IS RIGHT. he really is.
Gia says
I love Justin and Selena. They are going through so much. LAY BACK ON THE BULLYING. You know this kind of hate leads to suicide. So this is what my mum says. If you dont have anything nice to say zip your lips and shut up.