It’s nice to know that, even though you’re widely regarded to be one of the most beautiful humans who ever walked this pathetic excuse of a planet, you can still be hugely flawed and make an idiot of yourself before someone you really, really fancy.
We’re talking about Scarlett Johansson and her besottery with Sean Penn, perhaps one of the most baffling celebrity hook-ups in a decade, what with him having a face like wrinkled elbow-scrag.
See, it appears that the romance between the Hollywood beaut and the wizened actor had to die because Scarlett was into Penn way too much, leaving him widening his eyes and mouthing ‘What the f…’
It seems that our Scarlett was ?besotted? with Penn, who didn’t need all that in his life, especially given that Johansson’s divorce hasn’t even gone through yet.
After a five-month affair, the pair knocked the relationship on the head, leaving everyone with a palpable sense of balance being restored in The Force.
A source, speaking with absolutely zero authority on the matter, says:
?Sean is simply not ready for a long-term or very serious relationship, given it's too soon since he and Robin [Wright] divorced. Scarlett?s intensity just scared him – which is kind of funny, given how intense Sean is?
So what kind of intensity are we talking about here?
Well, apparently Scarlett just decided that she’d move in with Penn in his Los Angeles mansion, which is presumably still full of his ex-wife’s stuff… not to mention the echoes of Sean Penn crying “JESUS WEPT! SHE’S MOVED IN! I’VE ONLY KNOWN HER FIVE MINUTES! Great rack though… so… er… ”
A source close to Sean says that the actor started to ?totally freak out? when ?a very emotionally needy? Scarlett moved in.
Wow. Not just us then. Brill.
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Cookie Monster says
He had to choose between Haiti, New Orleans, helping Obama win another election, saving the planet, generally trying to match Bono’s level of pretentious douche-bag-ness, and Scarlett Johansson. I’m guessing that the decision was influenced by his doctor’s warnings about the long-term consequences of massive doses of Viagra and cocaine required to ‘keep up’ with Scarlett. That, or frankly, darling, he didn’t give a damn.
stella says
What kind of man hooks up with an adenoidal-faced plastic doll? And what kind of woman is desperate enough to hook up with an old frayed moth-eaten cheap shoe? They’re two of a kind.
David says
Beautiful girls becoming obsessed with ugly,arrogant guys,it’s definitely one of life’s mysteries. Perhaps Scarlett thinks Sean is some kind of Hollywood “powerbroker” and being with him will help her career.Let’s face it, Penn’s like a lot of Hollywood celebs,if he wasn’t a so-called star he wouldn’t be seeing any action,especially from beautiful women.
Cookie Monster says
One word, Stella, and it is, “Japanese”.
Serge says
S.J. is stolen biological material, taken against will and formed to clones line 200 pieces total. Sign of dangerous criminal activity. Original Scarlett Galabekian future pediatrician doctor, pediatrician nurse license she obtained in 2008